C r u s h
by The Black Sacrament
Summary: “I remember a time when everything was normal. When all I had to worry about was sports and keeping my grades up. Just a popular girl with mild mental problems and occasional acne. I wish I never let myself want her. Because desire, for me, is never far from hunger.” Completely Au. All OC (for now). Femslash. g!p.
1. Ivy

_Is it love, obsession, infatuation? I don't know. I think of a strange and beautiful word I read about once, Limerance, a psychological term, meaning an obsessive love, a state that's almost like a drug. Need like a wolf paces the perimeter of my world, back and forth, back and forth, never letting up. ...I am appalled by the new appetites within me, kicking their feet and clawing to get out._

 _Desire, for me, is not far from hunger._

 **Ivy**

"Are you going to Joey's party, little sister? They got booze and weed galore. You know you wanna goooo. It's your party, Mrs. Captain of the soccer team."

I sighed and continued typing on my phone. All my brother ever wants to do is party and get high. That's all cool and shit but my grades are way more important. Plus, I'm kinda tired from the game last night.

"Any other other time I would be down but I have a test to study for tonight. You know Mrs. Teller is on my ass when it comes to my grades," I quipped. I pushed off my locker and made to walk away.

Zeke wrapped his arm around my shoulder and ruffled my hair roughly as we made our way through the crowded halls. I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes. He was always embarrassing me in front of everyone.

"You're going kiddo. You know Big Titty Teller has the hots for you. Even if you flunked the test she would give you a fucking A. Besides, you won us the game last night. All the girls will be sopping when you step into the party," Zeke said lewdly. I blushed violently.

"Yeah! You know you gotta go now!"

"Godddamnit, Z. If I flunk you're telling mom it was your fault!"

"Guess what? Nope!"

I grunted as someone knocked into my shoulder hard. All I could see was long, brown hair. I stumbled backwards and cursed under my breath. Before I could turn around find the cunt who hit me, Zeke grabbed me again.

"You can't take a hit, Ivy? Wait til I tell coach," he laughed loudly, shoving kids out of our way.

I felt bad for them. My brother is quite overzealous. With him being my twin brother, people always think I'm the same. Being apart of the so called popular kids hasn't phased me but it sorta went to his head. When we were kids, I always had to protect him from the bullies but now, he's inches away from becoming one.

"BT dubbs, I'm driving. When I hop out the whip, the girls will be all over me," he said, winking at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say, bro."

 **-o0o-**

 **Later that night**

" _Come on ladies now let's get in formation! Come on ladies now let's get in formation!"_

I could hear the music blaring as Zeke parked in front of Joey's parent's house. We both can't resist Beyoncé, so we decided to take a moment and do a little karaoke. We bounced up bad do n in the car like idiots, screaming the song.

"Prove to me you got some coordination," Zeke boomed, jumping around and banging on the steering wheel.

"Always stay gracious, best revenge is yo paper!"

When the song ended we first bumped, exiting the car laughing like maniacs. Zeke looped our arms and pulled me toward the house. Some of our teammates stood on the porch with drinks in their hands already.

"If it isn't the Odair twins gracing us with their presence," Johnathon laughed. I grinned and snatched his drink from his hand. He exclaimed as I gulped it down.

"Hell yeah! Show em how we do, V," Zeke boomed, yelling chug like a frat boy.

"You better recognize, boys. Your captains are here. That means it's time to get this party started!"

They looked at each other for a second before grinning. We've been through this way too many times for them not to know how we get down.

"What the hell are we waiting for?"

 **-o0o-**

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

The beer tasted like piss as I let it slide down my throat. I'm only slightly surprised at how easy it is for me to do a keg stand after only six months in college. It definitely has nothing to do with Zeke and Joey holding my legs.

"I told y'all! My sister is the shit!"

Just when I thought I had it, Zeke has to go and make me laugh. I coughed heavily. The beer burned my throat as it went down the wrong pipe. Zeke and Joey let me down to the sounds of laughter and the cheerleaders asking if I was alright.

Alyson, my ex, was, of course, the main one. I shivered in disgust as she patted my back rather harshly. I cleared my throat repeatedly to try and get the burning to go away. I deliberately ignored her request to go get me a glass water.

"Fuck, I'm fine. I'm not a damn baby," I said harshly, making my way toward the kitchen. She never failed to show up and get on my nerves. "Jesus Christ."

"You heard her bitches. She's fine. Now run along find somebody else to try and fuck," I heard her sneering at the cheerleaders.

I sipped my water, wondering how I managed to snag the biggest bitch in Mississippi. I mean, in high school she was the sweetest girl. She never cussed. She always had my back. Never once did she even make me think she would cheat. But after we got into Ole Miss, she turned into the biggest slut this side of the Mississippi River.

The only thing that I miss is the sex. With my condition, I wasn't comfortable with letting her know. But she was okay with it and, sadly she was my first. After that, the sex just got better and better. After we broke up, I couldn't bring myself to try and get comfortable with another person. Even though I've made my secret front page news and nobody gives a fuck, I just can't.

"You came here to find a whore huh? You've really changed, Ivy."

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the sink. The loud music thumped in my ears as Alyson sidled up next to me. She always made it a point to get a little too close to me. It never failed.

"Nope. You know I haven't fucked anyone since you and you why I can't," I said exasperatedly. "Besides, you never know who these girls have been with."

Alyson scowled minutely. It was an obvious jab. If she didn't like it then maybe she shouldn't have cheated on me with a frat bro.

"Why can't we just be friends? I know you miss me, Ivy."

I cringed as her hand smoothed down my arm. She never did understand the concept of personal space. She also didn't understand that we were never friends. We tried after we broke up. I was too forgiving, I know. It didn't work at all. I couldn't stand her for more than an hour.

After she stalked me for over a month, I blocked her on all of my social media. I don't realize you could block people on Gmail until her.

"No. It didn't work the first time so just give up. I think I've been doing pretty good without you so far. Now please leave me alone."

Suddenly, she was way too close. Her hot breath tickled against my lips. My breath hitches and I looked around to see if anyone was looking at us. Everyone seemed to preoccupied with partying and drinking except for one girl.

She had long brown hair. Her eyes watched me shyly before she walked out of sight. She looked familiar. Maybe she was in one of my classes?

"By taking care of yourself, you mean using your hand? I can fix that," Alyson whispered against my lips. My frustration mounted as she pressed against me. "You know nobody can make me cum like you."

I clenched my jaw and pushed her away from me hard.

"Fuck off!"

My voice boomed above the music and before I knew it, the sounds of laughter and chattering stopped. Alyson turned beet red and she glared death at me. I couldn't care less. It was her fault for harassing me in the first place.

"You think you're so bad just because you're captain of the soccer team. Well guess what? They all just pity you because you're a fucking tra-"

A burly back blocked my view and I knew just who it was. My brother, always coming to my rescue when I don't need it.

"I dare you to say it, bitch! I fucking dare you," he growled. I grabbed his hand gently, careful not to set him off. He squeezed absentmindedly.

Alyson scowled at him. She knew she could get to me but not Z. He never put up with her bullshit like I did. It scared her to have someone stand up to her. She huffed and turned away.

"Fuck both of you!"

Zeke laughed loudly. "I bet you would love that, you cheating cunt."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. I know she would have a fit if she ever had the chance to do that. I could hear people laughing at her as she stormed out of the house and relief washed over me.

"You okay, V? I can get the cheerleaders to beat her ass if you want? They're down for you, you know that," Zeke said, holding my shoulders.

"I'm fine. I just drunk too much beer and lost my wits. I should have told her to go fuck herself from the jump," I said, shaking my head. Zeke gave me a crooked smile and ruffled my hair.

"Thats my sister. Now come and have some fun! This is your party. Have some fun kid," he said quietly, patting my cheek. I huffed and pushed him away.

"It's funny how you treat me like a kid. I was born first, jackass."

He laughed as he walked away.

"Only by two minutes, bighead!"

I rolled my eyes. "Cunt."


	2. Hi

**-o0o-**

I leaned against the balcony heavily, sipping my vodka.

After what happened with Alyson, I don't really feel like partying anymore. Even though I don't have feelings for her anymore, she brought back bad memories. It took so long for me to drag myself out of the deep depression she pushed me into.

Sometimes I feel like I'm back in it, drowning in sorrow and self hatred. Soccer and Zeke were the only two things that woke me up. After that, I haven't focused on anything else. Especially not relationships. She ruined me for anyone else.

I groan as the alcohol begins to hit me. Thank god I can hold my liqour. Unlike some people. The sound of a guy vomiting of the railing a few feet away makes my stomach churn.

There's a tickling sensation at the back of my neck suddenly. Like somebody is staring at me. It's creeping me the fuck out.

Turning around, I jump when I see that I was right. However, it's not the creepy school shooter guy that I was expecting. It's the girl. The one with the mousy brown hair from earlier. She shrinks under my gaze.

"Uh, hi. I'm-"

"Ivy Odair. I know who you are," she said quietly, playing with her hair. I blinked, sorta weirded out. "We have Psychology and study hall together."

I immediately felt like an asshole. Especially for not knowing who she is. She seemed like a nice girl. A bit shy, but nice nonetheless. I noticed that she didn't look me in the eye.

"Oh. Well uh, I'm sorry. What's your name?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her arms. Her eyes flicked up to me, blue and crystal clear. The pupils were dilated and I silently wondered if she had smoked some loud.

"I'm Marie," she whispered. I could barely hear her over 21 Savage rapping very savagely.

I sipped more of my vodka, noticing that it tasted like water. I walked over to her slowly, careful not to step on her toes. She fidgeted even more when I stood in front of her.

"Well, Marie with no last name. You look cold. Do you want my flannel?"

"I-it's Goldman and no. You'll freeze."

"No I won't. I'm literally sweating right now. Vodka makes me hot," I laughed. I unbuttoned my flannel sloppily, chuckling at how hard it is. "Can I get some help here, Marie? I am _enebriated._ Lol, that's a funny word."

Marie looked down shyly before moving to help me. "You use "lol" in sentences? Even though you're not laughing?"

I smiled down at her, rolling my eyes at myself. "Only when I'm _enebriated."_

Marie laughed quietly, covering her mouth with her hand. I smiled and draped my flannel over her shoulders. I watched her put it on, feeling an odd sensation. It was big on her but it looked nice. However, I felt stupid when I saw that she was wearing a dress.

"How do I look? Is it bad?" Her voice was insecure, like she thought I was judging her or something. I smiled at her.

"You look nice. I was just feeling stupid because I have nothing for your legs," I paused, swishing my cup. To my chagrin, it was empty. I rolled my eyes, randomly remembering that test I'm supposed to be studying for.

"Hey, it was nice meeting you Marie but I gotta go," I slurred, patting her shoulder as gently as possible (too hard). "I have a...uhhhh. A test! Yeah. I have to study for a test."

I faintly heard Marie speak as I turned to walk away but it was too late. I could see Zeke. I needed to get him to take me back to my dorm.

"I know. I'm in your class..."

I make my way towards Zeke, carefully dodging my drunken friends. My name echoes in my ears and I feel bad for ignoring them but I have to go. Looking down at my watch, I notice how correct I am. It's already 11:30. If we don't go now, I won't be able to get back on campus until the morning.

"Z, I gotta go. It's 11:30 man," I said, pinching my nose as he blew out smoke. I always hated the smell of weed.

"I'm wasted dude. I couldn't even ride a horse right now," he slurred.

Out of nowhere he and his friends burst out laughing like idiots. I groaned in dismay and rummaged through his pockets, ignoring his exclaimation. I turned around to leave without a second glance.

"Hey, Ivy! You can't drive man. You've been drinking and I'm not taking the fall if you crash the car," Z called, sobering up for a moment.

I facepalmed, taking a moment to gather myself. It was hard with all the noise around me. What the fuck am I supposed to do, I mused. How the hell do I get home now? Nobody is sober.

That tickling feeling itches at my neck again and I turn around slowly. Through the opened door, I can see the girl. Marie. My flannel hangs around her like a poncho and she fidgets under my gaze. A thought pops into my head and I stride towards her, bumping people out of the way.

Marie looks like she's about to have a heart attack when I reach her.

"Hey Marie, um. Did you drive here," I asked gently, eyes wide with hope. She looks startled.

"No, I-I rode my bike," she stammered.

I first pumped the air and she almost jumped out of her skin. I couldn't help but laugh at her skittishness.

"Can you drive, Marie?"

She cast her eyes up to me questioningly before nodding. I couldn't help the wide grin that split my face. I tossed my keys toward her and ignored the sound of them dropping the ground as I made my way to my car.

"Good. Take me back to my dorm. STAT."


	3. Take me home

**-o0o-**

 _"Why you bother me when you know you don't want me? Why you bother me when you know you got a woman? Why you hit me when you know you know better-"_

I sang the song quietly to myself as Marie drove me to my dorm. She hadn't spoken since we got into the car. Come to think of it, she was barely breathing. I flicked my eyes over to her discreetly. Her cheeks were bright red and her hands shook on the steering wheel.

"You alright, Marie? Do I smell or something? You can tell me if I do. I have been dancing around and shit."

"No! I m-mean, no. You don't stink. You smell really good. I-I mean, your car smells really good. Like fruit," she stuttered nervously. I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering if she was weirded out by the fact that I literally made her drive me home.

"Are you afraid of me? Did I do something wrong," I asked, voice full of mirth. I couldn't see why anyone would be afraid of me. I have yet to have any beef with anyone here.

She shook her head frantically and stole a quick glance. "N-no, I just. I'm not used to...I'm not used to being around popular people."

My face drained of blood and I stared at her. Before I could ask what she meant, we pulled into my parking spot. The literal spot that Zeke and I park in everyday. My head swam with confusion but I put it down to coincidence.

Looking at my watch, I noticed it was 11:45. I had a few minutes before curfew. Something inside me wanted to talk to this girl and learn more. For months we've been in the same classes and I haven't seen her once. That is odd, considering I pride myself in knowing everyone.

Marie made to open the door and my hand shot out to grab her arm. She jumped. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. I snatched my hand back like it was burned. Even more question clawed at the back of my throat. Who is this girl?

"I'm sorry. Um, I just wanted to talk for a second," I said carefully. I didn't want to frighten her even more. I looked around at the dark campus for a second. "Do you want to come to my dorm? We can study together if you want? Since we have the same test."

Marie was quiet for a split second before she nodded. Her bangs swished, covering her eyes. I wanted to move them away so I could see. Her eyes were the bluest that I've ever seen. Icy and cold, but they held a certain warmth.

"Yeah? Okay. Follow me. My room is just over there. Thank the gods I don't have a roomate or I'd be in some shit for coming in so late," I chuckled, stepping out of my car. My eyes flicked around me, making sure there were no creeps hanging around. I tapped the back of my neck three times.

"I know where it is. My dorm is down the hall," she said quietly. I spun towards her, brow scrunched in confusion. Her arms were wrapped around herself again like she was trying to hold herself together.

"Oh, okay."

I closed my door and tore my shoes off without hesitation. I stumbled drunkenly and Marie caught me just in time. I laughed and straighten myself up.

"Thanks. You can sit down on my bed. I just have to get my ritual over with really quick. My notes are over there," I called behind me, moving around the room like a robot.

"Ritual," Marie asked quietly. I rolled my eyes at myself. I don't know the girl and I'm already divulging sensitive information.

I placed my shoes in the shoe rack carefully, making sure that they were level. I ran my eyes over the whole rack just to make sure the rest were the same and moved on to changing my clothes.

"Yeah, I have a OCD. Not cliche cleaning kind...Well, sorta. It's more about control. It was worse when I was in middle school. I mean, everything was worse in middle school wasn't it? Now, it's mostly keeping things in order and intrusive thoughts."

I ripped my shirt over my head, turning my back to Marie as to not give her a show. I folded it neatly and placed it in the bin. I did the same with my pants and strode over to my closet to get my _decent_ night clothes. I usually walk around half naked but when I have a guest over I can't do what I usually do.

"Intrusive thoughts? Like what," Marie asked. She sound fairly interested in my sick mind. I decided to indulge her. At least she was talking.

"Thoughts that just pop into my head randomly and they won't leave unless I do a ritual. Like, I have a fear of being kidnapped even though I know I can defend myself. I hate being out at night because of the thoughts. I used to clap three times but now I just tap my neck or recite a poem in my mind," I said, pulling my long jumper over my head.

"Why three times? That's an odd number."

I chuckled quietly. "It's this stupid book that my mom used to read to Zeke and I. It's called _Goodnight Moon._ I tap out the syllables and it calms me down. Now enough about my stupid rituals, let's study," I said, sitting down beside her on the bed.

I watched Marie duck her head and run her fingers over my notes. I can literally feel her thinking. Through my sobering mind, I notice how hunched her shoulders are. How tense her body language is. I know anxiety and introvertedness when I see it. I wonder why.

"I don't think they're stupid. I-I think it's sweet," she whispered, flicking her eyes up to mine quickly before looking back down. I had a strong urge to make her look at me. I wanted her attention. _Tap, tap, tap._

"Thank you..," I said quietly. I smiled a bit and took a deep breath. I still want to know why I haven't seen her around but I'm starting to like her.

"Let's get started, Marie. I wanna get this over with by one o'clock."


	4. Psychology

**-o0o-**

"What is Limerence?"

I rubbed my tired eyes and fell back onto the bad. I really did overestimate how sleepy I was. Marie doesn't seem phased by the fact that it's two in the morning. I folded my hands behind my head and racked my brain for what the hell the definition is.

"Um, it's the technical word for a crush," I grunted. I looked up at Marie through my heavy eyes and rolled my eyes when she shook her head at me.

"Ugh, what is it then?"

"Limerence or infatuatedlove is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated."

I narrowed my eyes at her and she shrunk under my gaze.

"Sooooo, I was right. A crush. You just described my life. I've been through that so much that I'm starting to think it's a disease," I laughed, clutching my stomach. Marie bit her lip against her own laughter before sobering up. Her face became serious.

"When I get crushes it's bad..," she whispered. Her hair hung over her eyes again, obscuring her face. _Tap, tap, tap._

"It's horrible, actually. It's all I can think about."

I sat up and sighed, remembering all of the intense crushes I've had over my short eighteen years of life. More like obsessions. I can still remember every girl and every rejection. After a while, I just stopped trying to pursue a relationship with any of them.

"Well, they always end. I always tell myself that if I get a crush on someone, I'll never try to date them. It never works. They're called crushes for a reason, ya know?"

Marie brushed her hair behind her ear and looked at me sadly before moving off my bed. I looked at her confused.

"Where you going? You can stay with me if you want? I'll sleep on the floor," I called.

Marie shook her head and continued towards the door. She turned back to as she opened the door. "I can't. I'm sorry. Maybe we can do this again? I mean, if you want," she said meekly.

I stood up, adjusting my jumper. I felt slightly lightheaded. "Y-Yeah, of course. I could use a study partner and you're smart as hell," I laughed nervously.

Marie smiled shyly, cheeks blushing as red as roses. It was adorable. Her eyes smiled too. It looked good on her.

"Okay. Um, see you in the mo-I mean, see you later today, Ivy."

I opened my mouth to speak but she was already out the door. I stood there for a moment, staring at the door where she used to be. My hazy mind was still filled with curiousity. I cursed myself for not asking her about herself. Like where her parents are. Or what she likes to do on the weekends besides standing alone at parties.

"You're so stupid, Odair. Ya get a pretty girl in your room and you hush about yourself."

I stripped my clothes off and slipped under my covers. I tossed and turned, thinking about Marie. The strange girl who I should have seen a million times. I groaned, remembering that she still had on my favorite flannel. I wasn't annoyed for long when I remembered how good it looked on her.

My heart stuttered in my chest. I froze, eyes as wide as saucers. _Tap, tap, tap._ Nope, not happening right now.

"Just go to sleep, Ivy. You're drunk."

 **-o0o-**

I strode into the classroom quickly, rolling my eyes as Zeke's laughter echoed through the door. Mrs. Teller gave me a little disappointed look as I made my way to my seat. I'm not always late and I think she knows it wasn't my fault.

"Sorry, Mrs. T. I had a sleepless night," I called, reclining into my chair. I curled my lip when people chuckled under their breath. It wasn't funny.

"Don't let it happen again, Ivy. I would hate to tell Coach Atkins," she sang, gathering the tests in her hands. I pinched the bridge of my nose and saluted. The sound of laughter made me scowl again.

"Now, I hope you all have been studying for this test. After all, it is a midterm. That means if you fail...50% off of your grade."

A chorus of groans sounded around the room and I snickered. I always loved psychology. With all the shit I've had to go through with my brain, it's only right that I become a therapist or something. Maybe I can help other people with their OCD or just lend an ear to those in need.

"Are you nervous?"

I jumped slightly before getting ahold of myself. My heart was beating out of my chest. I turned around and sighed quietly. Of course it was Marie. In all of her shy glory. My eyes flicked over her outfit and I noticed she was wearing all black. Just like at the party. Except for my green flannel, tied around her waiste.

"Nah. I'm not as much of a jock as I look. Are you?"

Marie flicked her eyes passed me jerkily and I turned back around in my seat. Mrs. Teller was passing the tests back already. I grabbed two from the guy in front of me and passed one back to Marie. She thanked me quietly.

I felt weird with her behind. I wanted her in sight. But if I asked she would think I wanted to cheat off of her. I clenched my jaw and tapped my knee discreetly. I turned around and blinked. She was already looking at me.

"Uh, do you wanna sit next to me? You don't have to...but you can," I said, trying to sound casual. Marie covered smile but I could see her cheeks pulling back. It was adorable, her shyness.

She nodded and waited for Mrs. Teller to turn around. She climbed down to my row clumsily and I helped her carefully. I held in my laughter when Marie fell into the seat. Thank Jesus, she didn't make a racket.

"You have half an hour to complete this test. I _will_ be timing you and I _will_ be watching for cheating. If I catch you, I'm giving you a zero and I know some people in here who will not survive another zero. The test starts...now."

My leg shook rapidly as I began reading the questions. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was. I wrote my answers neatly on the page, keeping time as I breezed through. My eyes flicked over to Marie discreetly and I froze.

Her full bottom lip was captured in between in her teeth. Her legs crossed beneath the pullout desk. Those blue eyes flickered over her paper carefully, taking in everything. She looked serene. In the middle of a test, no less. My heart pumped faster in my chest and that feeling came back. That feeling that I thought I wouldn't feel again.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

 _Not happening. Nope. It's all in my head._

I ripped my eyes away from her and dove back into my test. Everything in my mind was turned around and messed up. Thoughts flew through my mind. All of them had nothing to do with the test at all. My fingers dig into my thigh and I gritted my teeth.

I grasped the last thread of my rational mind and finished the test just as the alarm sounded through the room. I kept my eyes downcast and took calming breaths, tapping my fingertips against my thumb one by one. I sighed in relief as the thoughts calmed down.

 _Easier than I thought. I got this._

"Pass your tests to the end of your rows, please. The last person on the row will pass them up. Johnathan, I see you! Pass them down now," Mrs. Teller called.

I watched Marie grab the papers with new eyes. I saw the freckles on her cheeks. The sharp angles of her face. I almost didn't notice her handing me the papers. I gathered myself quickly and grabbed them. Electricity shot up my arm as our fingers brushed against each other.

"Sorry," she muttered, pulling her hand away.

My tongue couldn't find the strength to speak. Instead, I handed the papers up and cursed myself silently. My heart stuttered in my chest and I knew what I had to do. _You've been through this. You're Ivy fucking Odair. Rip it off like a bandaid._

"Marie. You're a really nice girl." _Nice, Odair._

She looked at me oddly, face scrunching up in confusion. I turned away, watching everyone gather their things to leave. My chest became tight and I bit my lip hard.

"What's wrong?"

"We can't be friends," I said quickly, standing up. I shrugged my bag over my shoulder and made my way towards the steps.

"W-Wait, why? What did I do," she said brokenly. I tensed as her hand wrapped around my bicep.

"Look, it's not you. It's me. I have a lot going on right now and I don't want to hurt your feelings," I sighed. I turned away as her eyes began to water. I don't understand why she is taking this so hard. We just met.

I ripped my arm from her grasp and walked away as quickly as possible. The sniffles reached my ears anyway. I practically ran to my locker. I hung my head and cursed quietly.

"Get it together, kid. It's just a little crush."


	5. Desire

**-o0o-**

I run fast, dribbling the ball with my feet. It comes naturally to me. Like walking or breathing. Ever since I can remember I've been kicking a ball or throwing one. Zeke and I were always into sports. Nothing interested us more. Moms made sure we had every piece of equipment we needed for every sport we wanted to play.

Soccer is like a therapy for me now. When I'm on the field dribbling passed all the big guys, I feel free. At first I was frustrated that I couldn't be on the women's team, but I figured beating my brother's ass in soccer for four years would be fun.

Due to my condition, the female coach thought that it would be unfair to put me on her team. Well, let's just say she missed out.

"Fuck!"

I fell to the ground clutching my right ankle. A sharp pain radiated up my calf. I groaned, trying to massage the pain away. I looked around me to see what I had slipped on because I sure as hell slipped on something.

Something in the grass caught my eye. It was metallic. I cursed as I leaned forward to get it out of the grass. As soon as my fingers touched it, I knew what it was. I held my phone in my hand with wide eyes.

"How the fuck? I put this on the bench."

I felt a tickling sensation in the back of my neck. I could feel the eyes on me like fingers. I grunted in pain as struggled to stand up. I turned around as fast as I could. _Tap. Tap. Tap._

My eyes run over the bleachers carefully, searching for anyone that may be fucking with me. I fought the urge call out. I've seen enough movies to know how stupid that is. Why would any stalker answer you?

I tensed as a figure came forward. My entire body tensed and I cursed my sore ankle. I can still run but I don't know how fast. I held my phone tightly in my hand as the person moved into the light of the stadium.

"Marie? What the fuck are you doing here?"

She fidgeted nervously and removed her hood. I was weirded out by her sudden appearance. I wondered how long she had been watching me and why. How did she even know I was here?

"What the hell are you doing here? Why are you watching me like some stalker," I asked angrily. Marie flinched as I strode toward her and I stopped short.

"I-I'm sorry. I just-I like watching you play," she muttered, wringing her hands. My lips pulled back into a scowl and I threw my hands up.

"You can't just creep on people like that. It's fucking weird," I ranted. I paused for a moment. "Matter of fact, I've been feeling eyes on me a lot lately. Have you been stalking me? And you did that with my phone, didn't you? My fucking ankle is twisted now and I have practice-"

"No," Marie yelled, stunning me silent. Her eyes pierced into mine. "I didn't do that. I would never try to hurt you, Ivy. I swear!"

I looked over her face critically but I couldn't see any deception. Only weird devotion. I noticed that my flannel was tied around her waist again. My stomach twists uneasily. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"Did you see who did it?" Marie shakes her head slowly, looking at the ground. "But you were watching me."

"When I got here you were on the ground," she said quietly.

I gritted my teeth, hands moving up to my face. I felt like I was going insane. Before I met her everything was fine, besides Alyson getting on my nerves. I was fine with partying and soccer and being the popolar girl with no worries. Now I feel like I'm surrounded even when I'm alone.

"Stay away from me, Marie. I fucking mean it," I gritted out, moving into personal space. I could hear her breath as I bumped into her.

I limped away without a backward glance, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach. My fingers made a beat against my thigh.

"Ivy, please!"

 **-o0o-**

" _I can be your supermodel, if you believe. If you see it in me, see it in me, see it in me-"_

"God, I hate this song. Put on some K Dot or some Young Thug. You're making me depressed fam," Zeke said, rolling his dark eyes.

I ignored him and stared out the window. My mind was still reeling. What did I do to gain two stalkers? If Marie isn't lying then it's two. I'm not ugly but damn. I'm nothing special either. I can't think of anyone who would want to cause me physical harm. I can't see Marie doing that despite her creepiness.

"Why are we going to the library again? Oh and why couldn't you just go to the one on campus?"

"Do you ever shut up," I muttered, pulling my visor down to block the sun.

"You should know by now that I don't know what that means. Now spill, sis."

"I'm looking for a book called _The Ending of the Story_. There. Happy?"

"No. Why couldn't you check it out on campus? Our library is fucking huge."

"I already checked, jackass. They don't have," I chuckled, rubbing my temples. "What's the point of a huge ass library if you don't have everything?"

My eyes ran over the pages of the book eagerly. I was completely enraptured. This woman was completely in love with a man she didn't know. At first, I was creeped out by the fact that she stalked him. That she wrote a book in place of him.

Writing: "I didn't have him but I had this writing. And he couldn't take it away from me."

I thought she was completely insane.

She never held a conversation with him. She never learned his name or his history. She saw him and she loved him. The end of the story. In reality, that isn't how it works. You can't just love somebody you don't know.

That is, until it happens.

And it has happened to me nine and half times. The half is for my current situation because I'm not in love.

The question is, how do you know you're in love? Is there some process that is laid out? Is it written in stone? Is it possible that some people have the ability to see passed names and origin stories and favorite television shows? Why is it called falling in love if it's not meant literally?

Because I've fallen quite literally. Into eyes. Into the beautiful sway of a body. Into the curves of a woman I don't know. Into the expert footwork of a teammate. It goes on and on.

I always thought love was a verb. I always thought that love held no hidden agenda. No plan of how to retrieve it. I don't know much about it but I do know that there is no map with an x on it. You can't find love. Sometimes you step into it...and you fall.

"Christ.."

I closed the book and placed it on my dresser strategically. I closed my eyes tightly and groaned. For weeks, I haven't slept as much I need to. My mind is a wreck. All I can think about is her. It's like going through withdrawal.

I haven't spoken to Marie since that night at the stadium but I see her everywhere. I _look_ for her everywhere and I hate myself for it. It's like Stolkholm Sydrome, I think. How do you get a crush on your stalker? At least it isn't a bad one.

I jump as a knock sounds at my door. My heart jumps in my chest. I can feel my carotid artery pumping hard in my neck. In seconds I have my switchblade in my hand and I'm advancing towards the door. No one ever knocks on my door. Well, sometimes Chloe from Calculus but I haven't talked to her since yesterday.

"Who is it," I yell. The knocking continues. _Tap. Tap. Tap. "_ Who the fuck is banging on my door like the police?"

I wrapped my hand around he knob, trying to control my breathing. Now I'm not scared. I'm hopeful. I'm nervously excited. I hate myself even more.

"Marie?"

I yanked open the door with my knife behind my back. My eyes, wide with hope, are now narrowed in annoyance. I think about showing my knife but I choose not to. Knowing Alyson, she'll report me to the Dean just to spite me.

"Who the fuck is Marie? Your new whore," she said, pushing into my room. I grunt as her elbow hits me in the ribs. My eyes shift down each side of the hall, looking for Marie. I sigh when I don't see her.

"No. Why do you always say shit like that?"

I closed the door quickly and put my knife in my pocket. Alyson rolled her eyes at me and plopped down on my bed, messing up the covers. I gritted my teeth. She never did give a fuck about my preferences.

"Because I know you get around. I've seen you with that freak. What happened? She couldn't take it," Alyson sneered. My body tensed and took calming breaths.

"Get the hell out, Alyson. I don't have one for this. I have Calculus homework and an English paper to write-"

She cuts me off with her hands. They caress her body slowly. The body that I know better than anybody else. I've licked and sucked, been inside every part of her. Because of this, I know her like no one else. Her seductive tactics spark a small flame but not a wildfire.

"Stop. I'm not in the mood for that right now. I'm tired," I groaned, perching on the edge of my bed.

"I can change that," her hands massage my back deeply. "Remember what we used to in this bed? You loved it. I love it. We can have that again. Even if it's only for tonight."

My shoulders tense and I can't breathe. This isn't Alyson anymore. This is Marie. I can't stop my body from reacting. Behind my eyes I see mousy brown hair and warm blue eyes. A shy smile hidden behind the softest hands.

Before I know what is happening, lips are planted against mine. They are far from soft and they are familiar. I don't feel what I expected to feel. Even while my mind is replacing this husk of a woman with Marie, I can't feel anything other than regret.

Her rough hands reach into my pants without hesitation and I almost jump ten feet into the air. It has been so long since I've been touched by another person. It feels like heaven.

"Damn it you're so hard, V," Alyson gasps in my ear. My mind is reeling as she carressed me. "God I've missed this thing."

My eyes narrowed and I felt the urge to launch her across the room. However, that thought left my mind when my pants hit the floor and her mouth replaced her hand.

"Mm-fuck," I moaned. My eyes rolled into the back of my head. It felt like wet flames lick up my body. I gripped her blonde hair in my hands and dreamed it was brown.

A loud bang sounded through my room and I pushed Alyson off me. I ignored her exclaimations and jerked my pants up, ran to my window. I yanked it open and peered outside frantically, anxiety gripping my mind.

"What the fuck was that," Alyson yelled. I shushed her and stuck my head out the window.

"I don't know. I don't see any..."

I stopped short when I saw a hooded figure running passed the bushes in the distance. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. A small smile pulled at my lips. If I'm not completely crazy, I know that I saw the flowing of a flannel around the person's waist.

"Who the hell did you piss off?"

I turned around with a blank face, wondering why I even let her into my room in the first place. I grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her towards the door.

"Get your hands off me," she screamed at me. I ignored her and pushed her out the door. "You will regret this you crazy bitch! Nobody rejects m-"

I slammed the door in her face with a sigh and leaned back against the door. The banging and shouting didn't stop until one of the other girls threatened her with a beat down. I had to laugh quietly.

"Am I going insane," I whispered, smoothing flyways back into my bun.

I don't know the answer to the question. I don't have the answer to any of the questions that have been running through my mind. Every time I sift through Marie's social media I ask myself why and I don't have the answer.

All I know for sure is that I want her.

Bad.


	6. Marie

**Marie**

 _I watched from afar like I do everyday. I know her schedule like the back of my hand. English, Psychology (with me), Calculus, and study hall (with me again). Sometimes I daydream about changing my schedule to match hers, but no matter how delusional I am, I can't change my major._

 _Everything Ivy Odair does is a testament to her perfection. Her pants hug her hips just right as she struts down the hall with her brother. Her douchebag brother. They couldn't be more different._

 _Where Zeke is brash and loud, Ivy is calm and collected. Everything she does radiates with confidence. When these feelings began, I thought I just wanted to be her. But I was proven wrong. My attraction is too strong. She is the sole object of every thought and fantasy. She has been since high school._

 _If only I could get her attention. Zeke did say something about a party. I hate them but I can't keep myself away when I know she's going to be there. Every time I end up in the corner, watching her laugh and dance. It's beautiful._

 _I strode towards her with my head down, dodging people as I made my way down the hall. Even in a crowd full of people, knowing she's there makes my whole body feel like a ball of energy. My legs shake as she comes closer. My breathing comes short._

 _"Godddamnit, Z. If I flunk you're telling mom it was your fault," Ivy groaned, rolling her eyes at her brother. I'm so close that I could reach out and touch her._

 _"Guess what? Nope!"_

 _I grunt as our shoulders connect. It's definitely going to leave a bruise. I just can't find it in me to care. She touched me._

 _I don't turn around as I hear her curse me. My heart drops into the tiled floor and I feel like an idiot. If I can't even control my body around her I have no hope of becoming her friend or..or more. I'll ruin it before it even begins._

 ** _-o0o-_**

 _The party is thriving._

 _All night I've been watching Ivy move from person to person, talking and laughing. I admire her social aptitude. I wish I had half the charisma that she does. If I did, we would already be together. But instead, her attention has been on Alyson since high school._

 _Speaking of that whore. I watched her throw herself at Ivy and get rejected. On the outside, I'm sure I looked shy and introverted. But on the inside I was seething with hatred. Alyson had Ivy for years and she threw it away over some jock. I would never do that._

 _When she looked at me, she saw me. Our eyes connected and she saw me. There was this intense rush and everything slowed down. Those hazel eyes seared into mine. Even with Alyson all over her she still looked at me._

 _My heart nearly stopped when she walked onto the balcony. Well, when she stumbled onto the balcony. I thought about sneaking away for a split second. She hadn't seen me yet. But my plan was foiled as soon as she turned around._

 _Those hazel eyes made freeze in place. I cursed her height advantage. She towered over me in all her dark beauty. Hair tied in that perfect top knot that she never let down. She looked like an Egyptian goddess._

 _"Uh hi. I'm-"_

 _"Ivy Odair. I know who you are," I blurted out like an idiot. I cringed at my creepiness and went on. "We have psychology and study hall together."_

 _Ivy's face drained of blood and she looked apologetic. Those plump lips pursed in consternation as she, no doubt, tried to remember me. My eyes watered. After all these years she still doesn't know me._

 _"Uh. Well um, I'm sorry. What's your name?"_

 _My lips pulled back slightly and I peered up at her through my lashes. Finally, after waiting for so long, she has noticed me. After years of watching her and Alyson. After watching every soccer game and attending every party._

 _She noticed me._

 _It feels just as euphoric as I dreamt it would be. It is almost orgasmic._

 _"I'm Marie."_

 **-o0o-**

" _We can't be friends."_

 _"Stay the fuck away from me!"_

I stared into my mirror blankly, reliving the moment when I lost Ivy. The way she looked at me...It was not anger that I saw in her eyes, despite her murderous tone. It was something else that I couldn't decipher. Whatever it was, I liked it...

No, I _crave_ it.

"You stupid bitch," I whispered, staring at my face. My lifeless hair. Ever since I dyed it blonde in high school, it's never been the same.

"You thought she would notice you but you're nothing. You're nothing to her or anybody."

My hand smashed against the mirror. The sound startled but I did again, wishing I could reach through it and strangle the girl on the other side. Watch her wither and die like a clipped rose.

I was so close to being her friend. Now the only thing that I have is her flannel. I press it up to my nose to inhale her sweet scent. It's like a variety of fruit. Strawberries, peaches, blackberries, and everything good. I sleep with it every night without fail.

The sound of knocking greets my ear and I instinctively know where it's coming from. My heart sinks immediately when I hear her muffled voice. Alyson. The bane of my existence coming to take Ivy away from me again.

"No. Not again," I whispered.

I grabbed my hoodie and Ivy's flannel, sneaking out of my room quietly. Urgency rang in the back of my mind. It felt like a life or death situation. I had to stop Alyson from ruining my only chance at love. There is no one else for me but Ivy.

The light in her window was dim but I could see them. Ivy never closes her blinds..Good for me but also bad. Whoever it is that wants as badly as I do knows this too. I clench my teeth. Whoever that bitch is, I have to find her and make her stop. I don't need anyone else trying to take her from me.

My ears twitch when I pick up the sound of a muffled moan. It's faint but I know that I heard it. My hands sift through the gravel frantically in search of a decent sized rock to throw. All I see is red.

"Fucking bitch," I growl quietly, rearing back to throw the rock.

A thunderous bang sounded and my eyes went wide. I wasn't expecting it to be so loud. My body lurched when I heard Alyson's loud shrieking and I ran as fast I could in the opposite direction.

"God, I'm so stupid. Why did it have to be her," I breathed raggedly. My legs moved as fast they could, carrying me as far away from Ivy as possible. I can only hope that she doesn't go any further with Alyson.

When I finally felt I was safe, I found a bench to rest. My eyes ached. A dull pain that I've become used to. I've cried so much that my tear ducts have seemingly dried out. Evenstill, tears stream down my face like waterfalls. I am losing myself.

"What am I doing," I whispered brokenly. I tried to wipe away the tears, but it was no use. Maybe I can drown in them. I wouldn't have to live in this hell anymore.

I want to go home. Back to my cat and my annoying parents. I just want to forget Ivy. I need to go back to the person I was before I saw her face. But that is easier said than done. My parents would kill me if I dropped out of college over a girl.

I held my face in my hands and let myself go. Images of Ivy flowed through my mind. Her voice, deep and husky. Plump lips like a cherub. Deep caramel skin that I long to touch again. I just..long for her.

The incurable ache in my chest becomes worse and I finally give up. Laughter bubbles up my throat and echoes out into the night air. Control only gets a person so far. I cannot wait four more years, silent and docile, for Ivy to want me back. I have to do something about it.

I have to get her attention.


	7. Supermodel

**-o0o-**

" _I can be your supermodel. If you believe. If you see it in me. See it in me. I can't see myself. Why can't stay alone, just by myself. Well I need you. I need you. I need you-"_

I pulled the comb through my hair lazily, humming along to the song...

Ivy's favorite song.

My hair hung around my shoulders in long curls. Black as night and shining. My lips were stained red like I had just finished drinking a cup of blood. There's a party tonight and I won't be standing in the corner like the freak everyone thinks I am.

I ran my hands along my body slowly, admiring myself in the mirror. My jeans fit like glove. They eccentuated curves that I never knew I had. Ivy's flannel hangs on my shoulders, unbuttoned to show off more of my milky skin.

I hate my body and it isn't rational. I know this. That doesn't stop me from feeling like an urchin. Compared to Ivy, I'll always be second. But if I just had her by my side we could be amazing together. We could be a power couple.

I grabbed my purse and headed out the door, a smile pulling at my lips.

Finally, I get to have fun.

 **-o0o-**

The music thrums as I step inside Joey's house. It seems like the guy's parents are never home. I know exactly what that feels like. Maybe that's why he throws all of these parties? Psychology 101.

I waded through the crowds of people expertly. Years of following Ivy to parties finally came in handy somehow. I cringed internally when I felt a hand grabbing my butt. I clenched my teeth and pushed him away.

"Hands off perv," I yelled over the music. I felt like I was going to explode with nerves. I never stood up for myself before.

The guy lifted his hands up and walked off with his friends. I bit my lip hard. Their laughter made my blood boil, but I felt strong. I smirked wide and strutted towards the beer pong table. I've never been into alcohol but I guess there's a first time for everything.

I watched them throw the small ball into the cups, laughing when they missed and had to drink. They looked like they were having the time of their lives. I was having fun just watching them.

"Hey, sexy! You wanna play with us or you just like to watch?"

I looked up in surprise to see that the guy was talking to me. All of them were staring at me expectantly. I had to gather myself. I was so shocked that people were noticing me for once.

"Well, I've never played before," I stammered, looking around at their faces. The guy at the other end smiled widely threw me the small ball. I barely caught it.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll be gentle."

 **-o0o-**

The ball landed into the cup with wet plop. The people around the table cheered loudly, making me blush violently. The guy across the table rolled his eyes and downed the beer quickly. I was beginning to like this a lot. I took a sip of my beer anyway and cringed at the taste.

"Wow, you're a legend. What's your name? I'm Alex," the girl, Alex, said beside me. I blushed as she slung her arm over my shoulder. From what I remember, she's captain of the cheer squad.

"Marie. It's nice to meet," I said, smiling kindly. Alex said something that I couldn't hear. Before I could ask her what she said, I was distracted.

"Whoa, whoa. Who is she? She's fucking good. Hey Ivy, come here. Let's show them how it's done!"

I looked up, eyes wide as saucers. Fear gripped my body like a vise. I cursed Zeke silently as the he pulled Ivy over to the table. I frowned, eyes narrowing at her appearance. Something was different about her.

Her eyes had dark circles under them and she looked like she was falling asleep on her feet. It didn't help that she had a bottle of vodka held to her lips like a baby bottle. Her clothes hung of her body, making her look small. The only thing about her that was the same was her neat bun.

She just didn't look like..Ivy.

When her gaze finally lifted from the bottle, she looked like she saw a ghost. She coughed uncontrollably and Zeke patted her back, laughing about how she couldn't hold her liqour. I went to her side immediately.

"Are you okay," I asked, hesitantly rubbing her back. My hands trembled just being close to her. I could feel the immense heat of her skin radiating through her shirt.

She looked up at me, blinking in surprise. Before she could speak, Zeke jumped in with his loud, annoying voice.

"Damn, you're hot. What's your name? You go here," he said flirtatiously, slinging his bulky arm around my shoulders.

"My name is Marie and yeah. I have classes with Ivy," I spouted off dismissively. I felt very uncomfortable being so close to him. Even though he looks like a male version of the girl I love, he isn't the best company.

"Maybe we could chill sometimes. You know, grab some food or something?"

I cringed and shook my head. The next thing I knew I was in a different position. My head was swimming uncontrollably. I blinked in surprised and looked around to see what was happening. In front of me, Ivy was shaking.

"Keep your hands off her," she growled. Her voice sounded harsh and gravelly. There was a noticeable slur in her speech.

"Ivy, what the fuck is your problem," Zeke asked, comepletely taken aback. He looked frightened, which intrigued me.

"Don't fucking touch her again."

Looking around, I noticed that everyone was still partying. No one seemed to noticed the two siblings having a very intense argument. I reached out cautiously, placing my hand on Ivy's arm. I flinched as she jerked away from me.

"Ivy," I called gently. She looked back at me with rage filled eyes. It didn't frighten me. In fact, it did the complete opposite. "Let's go get some fresh air? Please?"

Zeke looked at us oddly and walked away, throwing glances over his shoulder. I grabbed Ivy's hand and pulled her out the door. I couldn't help the fire that coursed through my veins. Her hand was so soft and warm. Almost feverish. The way she gripped my hand tightly didn't escape my notice. My body was hyper aware of her presence. It always has been.

"Why are you here? Are you following me again," she said tiredly, plopping down on the edge of the sidewalk. I fidgeted nervously under her intense gaze.

"I-I figured I would have a night out, you know? I'm tired of beging couped up in my room all the time," I stammered, trying to sound casual. A strong breeze blew open my shirt and I shivered hard.

"You're still wearing my flannel, huh? You know I gave it to you so you would be warm...I guess you wanted to show some skin instead. Who did you come to see?"

The look in her eyes held me in place. I couldn't look away. They held something akin to attraction and possessiveness in them. It made my heart skip a beat. I never thought I would have that look directed at me. I watched her fingers tap against her leg rhythmically.

"N-Nobody! I just wanted to-"

"How many parties have you followed me to, Marie?"

Her question made me jump in surprise. I wasn't expecting her to be so blunt. My cheeks flush in embarrassment. Ivy just watched me intently. Like a wolf examining it's prey. A familiar ache flared between my legs and I quickly sat down beside her to get away from her piercing eyes.

"I- I don't follow yo-"

"Cut the shit, Goldman. You've been following me for a long time. It took me a while to remember your face. Longer than it should have but I did," she rasped, picking at her nails. They looked like she had been doing it non stop.

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean to freak you out. Sometimes I just can't control myself," I said quietly. I couldn't stop myself from moving around anxiously as she turned toward me. A small smirk pulled at her lips.

"It doesn't freak me out," she said quietly, leaning towards me. My breathing stopped. I could feel heat radiating off of her.

I watched, frozen, as she twirled a strand of my hair around her finger. This was the closest I had been to her and I was a ball of nerves. My eyes followed her tongue as it peeked out, slowly caressing her lips. I wished it was my tongue.

"I wanted to rip my brother's arm off. Is that crazy? I don't know why I'm asking you of all people. You like watching me through my window and sitting under the bleachers at my games."

"What? No-I don't do tha-"

A soft finger pressed against my lips. Ivy stared down at me with her heavily lidded eyes. I wanted to suck that finger into my mouth but I held still and let her have the control. Her bottom lip disappeared behind her teeth.

"You do. I've been up at night, racking my brain to remember your face. I thought it was my disorder but it was you. Those eyes are unmistakeable. So blue," she whispered huskily. I exhaled harshly as her lips pressed against my cheek. My legs clenched together tight. The look in her eyes stole my breath away.

Quicker than I could register, Ivy was towering over me. I jumped as she tossed her keys at me for the second time since we became...friends. I gave her a confused look and she rolled her eyes, strolling towards her car.

"I want to talk to you alone."

I stood up shakily and followed her as quickly as I could. "O-Okay. Um. Cool," I stammered. My hands fumbled with the key, trying to unlock the door as quickly as I could. I cursed my anxious mind for making me look stupid.

"Calm down, Marie. No need to rush," Ivy chuckled. Her smirk didn't help my already frazzled mind. My cheeks erupted in flames as I finally opened the door. "Fucking adorable."

"Yo, V! Where are you going," Zeke called, jogging toward us. Ivy groaned and motioned for me to start the car. I watched her walk over to him, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Is this a dream," I whispered, pinching my arm hard. I smiled widely when pain erupted in my arm. I replayed the moment her lips pressed against my cheek over and over. "She really likes me.."

I glanced over at Ivy and saw her standing with her arms crossed. She looked extremely uncomfortable. I listened closely, trying to hear what her brother was saying.

"-Have you been taking your medicine, Ivy? Don't fucking lie to me dude. Mom will kill me if you start this shit again," Zeke ranted. I frowned, wondering what he meant. _Does she take medicine for her OCD?_

"I...I've been missing some doses. But not on purpose. I just haven't been able to sleep lately. I have too much going on right now," Ivy said ashamedly. My heart ached for her, knowing that I was one of the causes for her insomnia.

"You know what happens when you don't take your meds...I'm here for you if you need somebody to talk to. Okay?"

I'm taken aback by Zeke's soft tone. I've never seen him be so nice before. I watch closely as they embrace. It is an embrace that speaks more than words can convey. _I love you._ I find myself envying him more and more for his closeness to her.

Ivy sinks into the car quietly. Her hand immediately reached for the radio, like I knew it would. Her favorite song filled the space between us and my lips pulled into a wry smile.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go."

I don't hesitate.


	8. SZA

**Ivy**

 _"Sorry, I just need to see you. I'm sorry I'm so clingy I don't mean to be a lot. Do you really love me or just wanna love me down?"_

I hummed quietly, staring out the window at the passing buildings. I was trying to distract myself. No matter how much I just wanted to stare at Marie, I steeped myself against. I almost made me angry, how good she looked. I almost lost my shit when I saw her at Joey's.

"You really like SZA don't you?"

I looked over at Marie slowly. I was surprised that she was trying to make small talk with me. I was surprised she was even talking without me initiating it. But I wouldn't complain. I silently wondered if her new style gave her balls.

"Yeah, I do. Are you familiar with her work," I asked, smirking at her. I was fully expecting her to spout off a list of mainstream hits.

"Yeah. I like Green Mile, Aftermath, and especially, Teen Spirit. I've been waiting on her to get recognition for her work since she was on 106 and Park like six years ago," Marie said enthusiastically. My jaw literally dropped open and I sat up straight in my seat.

"You watched 106 and Park? How did you even know BET was a channel," I shot off, smiling like an idiot. Marie laughed heartily and I immediately wanted to hear it again. I could feel my fingers slipping off the invisible ledge.

"Are you serious? Everyday after school I used to come home and watch 106 and Park. My parents had to get me my own personal TV because I would throw a fit if I didn't get to watch it. Ever since I saw her on the show, I've been a fan."

I was stunned into silence, realizing just how much I didn't know about Marie Goldman. She chuckled at my expression and I felt like a little girl again. It took a great amount of willpower to keep myself from blushing.

"What else are you hiding from me? Are you a robot too," I queried, turning the music down. Marie blushed and shook her head.

"No, I'm not that interesting. There isn't much to know."

"I don't believe that. Everybody has something that makes them different. Give me something. I don't care what it is."

Marie's face became thoughtful and I watched her carefully. The way her brow furrowed and her teeth nibbled at her bottom lip intrigued me. Warmth pooled in my stomach at the smallest things when it came to her. She is dangerous.

"Well, I'm eighteen. Marie is actually my middle name and I really like photography. It's actually my major. My dream is to travel around the world. Just capturing the images of life that most people never get to experience," she said warmly. I was surprised to say the least. I found myself silently begging her to say more. Seeing her light up over something she loves enraptured me.

"If you let me see your photos I'll let you see my poetry."

We turned into my parking space and Marie looked at me oddly. I grinned to myself. She may stalk me but she doesn't see everything, I mused.

"You look surprised. I can't write poetry because I'm a jock? That's prejudiced," I laughed quietly. Marie sputtered for a moment, before gathering herself.

"No, I just wasn't expecting you to want to share it with me. But I would be happy to share my photos with you," Marie said softly. I shivered when she placed her hand on mine. I wasn't expecting such a bold move from her. I liked it.

We had a quiet moment, just looking at each other. I know that if it were anyone else, it would be awkward. But something between us just clicked. For a second, Marie was not that shy girl that I expected her to be. Her eyes lingered on me boldly and I quietly encouraged her. It was addictive, being flayed by those blue orbs.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I promise I won't touch you...not unless you want me to," I rasped, grabbing her hand gently.

Marie nodded emphatically, seemingly hypnotized. "Yes," she whispered. Something primal inside me rejoiced.

My lips pulled over my teeth.

"Maybe I'll let you take some pictures. You know...for your own recreational purposes."

 **-o0o-**

 **Marie**

"I came to your city lookin' for lovin' and licky cuz you promise to put it down," Ivy sang loudly, banging her fist on her bed. "All up in yo city lookin' for you! Lookin' you love!"

I laughed at her antics, pondering how I never noticed how goofy she was. I traced my fingers over the posters on her walls. There were a few half naked women, Beyonce in a bikini, and Daenerys Targaryen. However, the rest were an assortment of majestic wolves.

"You like my decor? I think it says a lot about my character, you know," Ivy said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at her discreetly.

"Actually, it's very...aesthetic. The wolves are an interesting choice," I said honestly. She reminded me of a wolf. With her wild eyes and dominating presence.

"You don't have to humor me, Marie. My room looks like an OCD adolescent boy decorated it," she laughed. I plopped down on the bed beside her, shooting her an annoyed look.

Ivy sat up and looked at me intensely. I froze in place, wondering if I did something wrong. I almost jumped out of my skin when her warm hand found purchase on my thigh. All of a sudden, I was much too hot.

"I've been thinking about something since you told me you take pictures," she said quietly. Her hand squeezed my thigh and I couldn't stop the breathy noise that clawed its way out of my throat.

"Yeah," I squeaked pitifully. Ivy chuckled quietly, causing my cheeks to turn beet red. I cursed her for turning my body into a livewire.

"Have you ever taken pictures of me," she whispered. I gasped as she grasped my chin between her fingers. "Don't lie to me."

I didn't want to tell her the truth. Even if she doesn't care about me...watching her, I planned to keep this secret. The best pictures that I have are of her. All of them tell a different story. All of them, beautiful and visceral.

"Yes," I whispered. I struggled to breathe as Ivy advanced into my personal space. Her nose tickled mine. Her cool breath ghosted over my lips. Those hazel eyes dared me to look away. I wholeheartedly refused.

Ivy's lips pulled over her teeth like a wolf. I expected her to be angry, to yell at me and throw me out of her room, but she didn't. She just smiled like a predator, a deep throaty chuckle rumbling in her chest. The vibration of it reverberated through my body.

Her lips came so close to mine. I licked my lips in anticipation, begging her to just lean in closer and consume me. For a moment I thought she would. The look on her face held such desire. But just as fast as she approached, she pulled away.

Leaving me breathless.


	9. Mine

**Ivy**

I pulled away from Marie with much effort. She smelled so inviting. It was a smell that I couldn't decipher. She smelled...alive. Like the smell of a fresh body after a shower. Water dripping down slowly, seductively.

No, I'm wrong. She smelled like home. I wanted to dive in her to stay forever.

I kicked my shoes off and unbuttoned my shirt slowly. I could feel her eyes on me. Always on me. I lived for it. Something made me want to bare everything to her so she could see the real me. What I hide behind this facade of normalcy. I wanted to see if she would still crave me with as much vigor, or if she would run away in disgust.

When she admitted to snapping photos of me I already knew. The clues were all there. This..crush that she has on me is too deep for her not to immortalize my visage in her chosen form. Hell, I've done the same thing.

What is the real difference in taking a picture of someone you love and immortalizing them in the lines of a beautiful poem?

"The other night, when Alyson came over...what did you feel? I mean, I know you almost threw a rock through my window but what did you feel? Knowing what she wanted to do with me," I asked casually.

The look on Marie's face said it all. I halted my movements, intrigued with this new development. Just the memory of it seemed to incite rage in her. There was a fire in those icy blue eyes that I had never seen before.

"I was angry. I couldn't let her take you away from me a-. I couldn't let her hurt you again. You deserve so much more than someone who can't see what they have until it's gone," she said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself.

I stared at her silently, comepletely stunned. I can't deny that I am selfish but I am not a narcissist by any means. However, hearing this beautiful girl so concerned over my heart made me feel something indescribable. All of these sleepless nights and all of the time I've spent daydreaming about her weren't for nothing. I'm beginning to wonder how it's possible to want her more than I already do.

I strode over to the lamp and dimmed it down just a little bit, fingers tapping away rapidly. I could feel the last thread of control I had slipping away from me. This uncontrollable attraction I had for her was burning in my chest like a furnace. There was not just one thing about her that beckoned me. It was _everything._

"Come here. It's late and I'm ready to lay down," I said gruffly, pulling her off the bed gently. She looked like she was on the verge of hyperventilating. I could literally smell her innocence.

My eyes ran over her body unabashedly. The curves of her hips, the flat plane of her stomach, the trembling of her hands anticipating my next move. I wonder what they would do if I allowed her free reign. My own tremble too. They beg to reach out and touch her, but they know better than to act rashly.

"You're beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that," I asked quietly, staring into her eyes.

"Aside from my parents, no. I'm a wallflower. I don't usually..dress like this," she chuckled self deprecatingly. Anger boiled inside me at her words. How does no one else see what I see?

I closed my eyes tightly, gritting my teeth. I cursed myself for not taking my meds but I trusted myself not to lose control. When my eyes opened, Marie was closer than before. The intense look in her eyes shook me to my core. They devoured me.

"Do you want to touch me," I whispered breathlessly. My body tingled at her proximity. It took everything not to strip down and bare everything to those eyes.

Marie bit her lip, nodding slowly. I could barely hear her quiet breaths. Her small hands reached forward cautiously. It was as if I was some glass doll or an old crumpling sculpture sculpted by Michelangelo himself. They reached higher and higher, making me wonder what she was trying to do.

I almost laughed aloud when her fingers began working at my bun. It warmed my heart, how innocent she was. When it was finally down, her fingers scratched at my scalp gently. My thick hair fell down over my shoulders like a lion's mane. I didn't have time to worry about fixing it.

"Wow, you have amazing hair. I've never seen it down like this. You should let it down more often," Marie said in awe.

She smiled as she ran her fingers through my hair. The sensation pulled a deep moan from my throat. I pretended not to notice the way she bit her lip.

"I've tried every hairstyle and none of them agree with me. I'm surprised I'm not going insane right now."

Marie grinned softly and trailed her hands down to my face, tracing the line of my jaw distractedly. I stood still, letting her examine me like a new camera she wanted to buy. Her fingers traced over my lips and down to my neck. My hands shook at my side.

"So warm," she muttered almost silently, trailing her hands down to my stomach. I tensed under her cool fingers. "Can I.. can I take off your shirt? You don't have to. I just-"

I pulled it off without a second thought. Effectively cutting off her rambling. I kept my eyes on her as I hooked my thumbs into the waist of my pants. She looked like a deer stuck in headlights as I pulled them down. I almost felt perverted. Just standing there half naked, painfully hard and begging for her attention. But, seeing her shocked expression aroused me even more.

She hesitated to move closer to me and I rolled my eyes. "Don't be scared, Marie. I'm just a little different," I chuckled, pulling her against me.

"I thought it was some messed up rumor," she whispered. Her cheeks were so red, I just had to kiss them.

"No. I came out as intersex months ago. I only told my closeted friends but I guess word gets out. Are you repulsed by me yet?"

Marie shook her head frantically, tickling her fingers over my cheek. I could feel her heart beating against my chest quickly.

"I don't think that's physically possible for me," she whispered, pulling away from me. I squinted in confusion. "I'm not as confident as you, but... I'm comfortable with you."

My flannel fell off her shoulders slowly. I watched it fall to the floor, enraptured. Her croptop was next. When it fell to the floor, she tried in vain to cover herself up.

"Nice bra. I didn't take you for a lace kind of girl," I croaked, trying to distract myself from how badly I wanted to grab her. Marie blushed fiercely.

"I literally had to dig this out of my closet."

I chuckled, moving towards her cautiously. "You have an amazing body. I don't know why you hide it behind all of those black clothes."

"Not everybody has abs like you, Mrs. Health Freak," she laughed, throwing her hands toward me. I almost blushed at her words. If only she knew how I got my body like this. It had nothing to do with being healthy.

Before I could reply, her pants were being yanked down her legs with all the grace of an amputee. If I wasn't so surprised I would have laughed. It took her well over five minute to peel the right things off.

When they were completely down, I stalked over to her. Her body shivered as I ran my hands down her sides. She felt so cool under my hot hands. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let go. Keep her warm and comfortable forever.

"I-I've never..," she trailed off, trembling against me. Her breath tickled against my lips and I closed my eyes tightly. Any control I had left was slipping. Fast.

"We aren't doing anything like that tonight. Not unless you initiate. I don't want to pressure you into anything. I just wanted you to see me," I whispered, leaning closer to her.

Marie bit her lip hard and I gave up on being nice. I smashed my lips against hers quickly. Her hands tangled in my hair, pulling me deeper into the kiss. She moaned into my mouth and took advantage, sliding my tongue against hers. She tasted like alcohol and cherry lip balm.

I pushed her against my bed and grunted as she fell back. My hands twisted in my blanket. The feeling of her body under me was so right, so delicious. Her hips ground into mine frantically and I moaned as her center slid against me. I thrusted back eagerly.

When Marie's nails dug into my back and I tensed immediately. Adrenaline shot through my system and her smell overwhelmed me. I jumped off of her faster than she could register, turning my back to her. I had to focus on controling my breathing. I ground my teeth, tasting blood on my tongue.

"Ivy? Are you okay?"

As soon as her fingers tinkled against my spine I jerked away, almost sprinting into the bathroom and slamming the door. I could feel liquid trickling from my nose.

"Jesus fucking christ. Not this shit again. It's always something," I groaned, splashing water on my face. I cursed myself for not taking my meds once again.

"Ivy? Did I do something wrong," Marie called through the door.

I leaned against the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. Blood trickled down to my lips and I licked it away. The irony taste exploded on my tongue. I always loved the taste of blood. The smell of it. The feeling it evoked in me when I saw it.

I washed the blood off quickly and hesitantly opened the door. Marie was wide eyed and looking me over in concern. I rolled my eyes and pulled her back over to my bed. As she laid across my chest, I combed my fingers through her silky hair.

"What happened," she whispered, peering up at me with those beautiful eyes. I planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I had a nosebleed. It happens a lot. Zeke used to say that I got the short end of the stick. I can't say that he's wrong. I was literally born with all of the ailments," I chuckled. She laughed quietly, calming down.

"I thought I hurt you or something."

"No! Trust me. You could never hurt me," I assured her.

Marie's fingers drew circles on my stomach, making me tense up. They were still as cold as they were before. She snuggled into me deeper, nuzzling her nose against my neck.

"Is it warm enough for you," I asked, concerned. "I can turn on my heater. I know it gets really cold in here sometimes."

"No, don't get up. You're keeping me warm. I think it's funny how you've been so concerned about my temperature since we first met," she muttered sleepily. I rolled my eyes at her statement.

I relaxed back into my bed and just allowed her to use me as her pillow. My eyes became heavy after a while. Marie's soft breaths were like ASMR to me. When she suddenly spoke, I was taken completely off guard.

"Promise you won't leave me again..I don't think I could handle that again."

My heart jumped in my chest. I didn't expect that at all. My mind went back to those sleepless nights thinking about her and stalking her social media. All of the horrible urges to seek her out. I knew my answer right away. I didn't think I could go through that again either.

"I promise." _You're mine now._

I watched closely as her eyes closed and her breathing evened out. It was beautiful to watch. I allowed myself to gently trace circles into her back. I don't remember ever being this comfortable.

"What are you doing to me," I whispered. Her quiet snores were the only answers that I recieved. "Of course."

I closed my eyes, feeling myself falling deeper into this...infatuation. It was like flying toward certain death.

I imagined myself drifting toward a black hole. In the distance it loomed, massive and almost invisible to the naked eye. The warning of light around its boundaries was all I could see.

This visage of death and carnage didn't scare me. I imagined myself flying even closer to the event horizon. The immense gravity taking over the ship and pulling me in. I guessed that it would feel like being sucked into a vacuum, pulled apart and funneled until my body was only a stream of atoms.

Not much different than how I feel now with Marie snuggled against, making me feel things I didn't ever want to feel again. She doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. Even now I can't control my need to inhale her scent. I'm not at all what she thinks I am.

The thought of letting her see the real me was too tempting to pass up. If she is the one she won't be afraid or run away from me.

If she does run, I don't know if I'll be able to let her go.


	10. Too Good

**Marie**

I woke with a start. The strong, slender arms around tightened ever so slightly letting me know that my love was awake. She always seemed to wake up before me. A sleepy smile spread over my lips and I turned around in her arms. Those wild eyes stared back at me lovingly.

I never imagined that one day I would actually be with Ivy. As in being in an actual relationship. Not just some fantasy in my head. She didn't ask me like normal people do. It happened gradually.

I didn't even know we were together until I looked up one day and noticed how much time we were spending together. We together for two months before I asked her if we were together. Two of the best months of my life.

Now, I can't remember the last time I slept in my room. I can't remember the last time I sat at lunch alone or didn't have anyone to talk to. I noticed very quickly that being with Ivy Odair meant being the center of attention.

For six short months we've been conjoined at the hip, never parting for long. Those feelings that I had before never left. They only intensified, if possible.

Everything thing she does turns me on in the worst way. However...we haven't gotten to that part yet. Not really. She is very talented with her tongue but she won't go all the way. She won't even let me touch her. Every time I try, Ivy has an accuse. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Sometimes it's her nosebleeds and sometimes she just says she's tired. I don't know what to believe. But what I do know is...something is going on with her. We spend enough time together for me to notice little things that she does. Things that don't make sense.

It began with her medicine.

Against Zeke's advice, Ivy stopped taking it completely. Of course she didn't tell me or her brother but I noticed it. Any time I tried to get her to take them she blew me off completely. Her rituals got worse and her nosebleeds more frequent. She developed a short temper that was so uncharacteristic to the person I thought she was. We argued over the smallest things. Mostly her questioning my loyalty.

Other than that, her rage was rarely ever directed at me and it didn't scare me when it was. But, I was afraid for her. Her mind was somewhere else. The only things she seemed to focus on were soccer and our relationship. But her grades never even dipped once and that puzzled me. I never saw her studying. She was always sleeping or talking to me during our classes.

Besides these problems, everything was amazing. We spent time together, slept together, ate together. I could tell that she loved me and she knew I loved her. Despite me having to assure her of my loyalty 24/7.

I never imagined my life would be this good.

 **-o0o-**

"Oh my god, what the fuck are we watching," Ivy laughed loudly, reaching for the remote. I was trying to show her my favorite show, _Stranger Things_ , but she wasn't liking it at all. "Why am I watching little kids run around?"

"It's more than that! There are other dimensions and crazy shit goes down!"

Ivy rolled her eyes and sat back in the bed. She pretended like she didn't like it because it was about kids but I knew the real reason. She was too scared to tell me to change the channel to HBO for the new _Game of Thrones_ episode. She knew how crazy I was about my favorite show.

"We watch re runs of GOT every night before bed. It's my turn damn it," I said jovially, smacking her thigh under the covers. She almost jumped out of her skin.

"When did you start cursing and why are you beating me? You know, I could turn you in for domestic violence!" My jaw dropped open and I hit her again.

"Then you'll have no one to cuddle at night. Maybe I'll become somebody's bitch in jail and find a new big spoon," I said, smirking at her.

Ivy arched a brow at me. I could see that she was seething. A small curl to her lip and the creasing of her forehead gave her away. Seeing her angry amused me like nothing else. However, this time, I knew I dealt a low blow. I cursed myself silently. She was still insecure about my loyalty, despite my track record of being obsessed with her.

"You would like that, wouldn't you," she quipped, scooting away from me. I grabbed her quickly but I was too weak to stop her.

"Ivy, you know I was just joking. I thought we were having fun!"

"Whatever. There's always some truth to every joke. We both learned that in psych, M."

I sighed heavily. These arguments are nothing new and at first I enjoyed them. Every couple has arguments. If they don't then something is wrong. But this crazy jealousy was starting to get to me. It was always over nothing.

"Ivy. Can we just stop? I don't want to argue tonight," I said quietly. She showed no sign that she even heard. Her fingers tapped on her phone rapidly. Anger boiled inside me.

"Can you get off of your phone and cuddle me or what? Whoever it is can't be that damn important."

She cursed under her breath and I jumped as her phone hit the carpet with a surprisingly loud thunk. Ivy grabbed me roughly, wrapping her strong limbs around my body like a snake.

"Is that better or do you need me to jump down your fucking throat? Christ," she said, obviously annoyed. A satisfied smile spread over my face as her warmth seeped into my skin.

"I mean, if you want to I won't stop you," I purred, wiggling my butt against her.

Ivy tensed up instantly and I grinned. I could already feel her arousal rubbing against me. I thanked whatever power there is that she always slept in boxers. Her tongue is amazing and all but I want all of her.

"I see," she said, climbing on top of me.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled out lips together. This dance was now well practiced but each time it was deeper, more primal. Every time, Ivy dominated the kiss. Her teeth nipped and sucked. Her hands caressing my sensitive skin beneath the blanket, making my back arch like a bow.

I slipped my hand beneath her bra gently, careful not to scare her off. She moaned against me when I cupped her breast. I reveled in the softness of the flesh in my hand but it wasn't enough. My body was burning up. Foreplay wouldn't be enough this time and I intended to let her know.

"What are you doin'," Ivy mumbled. My fingers continued down their path, feeling abs tense as I tickled my way down.

She started to move away but I pulled her back down. I sucked and nipped on her neck hard. No matter how much she tried to hide her arousal I could feel pressing against my hip. Comepletely hard and unforgiving. It excited me. When I finally had her distracted, I wrapped my hand around her arousal tightly.

Ivy jumped, a deep rumbling moan escaped her throat almost painfully. I silently wondered how low it had been since she had any sort of release. It had to have been over six months. Unless she was taking matters into her own hands behind my back.

"Marie-"

"What? I can't touch my own girlfriend but you can touch me," I whispered harshly. Ivy gave me that look. The one where she knows I'm right but she doesn't want to say it.

"It's not safe," she said, looking away from. I narrowed my eyes at her, confused. However, her words didn't stop me from groping her. She trembled above me, trying to stop herself from reacting.

"What do you mean? If you're talking about protection, I'm on birth control. I thought you knew that?"

"I'm not ta-. Yeah...I forgot," Ivy said. It took a moment for her to relax. She was always way too cautious. "I'm sorry for making you wait. I just don't want hurt you or anything. It sounds stupid but-"

"Shh, I understand. Just make love to me," I said softly, pulling her down to me again.

I was almost shocked when she pulled away. I began to complain but I shut up as soon as she ripped her shirt over her head. I laid back and just watched her strip for me, piece by piece. My eyes traced over the planes over body hungrily. I had never seen such perfection up close and personal.

And it was mine.

I felt drunk as Ivy slowly peeled off what clothes I still had on. Her hands were everywhere. They left trails of fire in their wake. My legs shook as she kissed her way down my body. I couldn't keep from pushing her head where I wanted it. I was way too far gone for teasing.

"Ivy," I whined, fisting my fingers in her messy bun. She grinned, lips teickling the spot where I needed her most. My entire body arched toward her mouth.

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck me? No, fuck you," Ivy laughed.

Before I could scold her, white hot pleasure erases any frivolous words I was about to utter. I should have been used to this wondrous feeling but every time it just got better and better. The first time, I nearly went into convulsions.

"Oh my god," I moaned repeatedly. I gripped her hair like a vise and held her in place. She didn't even seem to notice. "Right there! Holy fuck!"

A loud moan stopped dead in my throat as the pressure below my waist came to a head. My hips bucked up into her mouth wildly, trying to reach the point of no return. Just as I was about to explode, my hands were empty and cool air kissed my most sensitive place. The loss was almost painful.

"Ivy! What the fuck? I was about to cum," I complained pitifully. She tried in vain to hide hide her smirk.

"I know and you will."

I watched in confusion as Ivy walked over to her dresser and retrieved a bottle. She popped opened the top and dabbed the fluid on her hand. I realized what it was when she began slicking it over her penis. A small surge of relief washed over me. She wasn't monstrously huge or anything and I had nothing else to compare it to, but I could tell it was above average.

She slide in between my legs and rubbed the liquid all over my center. I closed my eyes and shivered as pleasure washed over me again. I was so sensitive that I almost came just from that.

When I opened my eyes, Ivy was inches away from my face. I'll never forget the way she looked at me. It was this intense love of adoration and love that overwhelmed me. My eyes watered but I held it in. Crying would have really made her stop.

"I know we argue a lot but I love you, Marie. I don't mean it in some _yay I'm taking a girl's virginity_ type of way. I really can't see my life without you in it. I don't even want to imagine it. I would go completely insane if I ever lost you. It's like I've been through everything in my life just find you, you know? I want you to be mine forever."

I carressed her cheek gently, staring into those deep hazel eyes. I was hard to comprehend how I could love someone so much, how I could fall deeper in love every day. There were no words that could put it into prospective. There was only one thing I could say.

"I'm yours, Ivy. Forever."


	11. To Be True

**Yeah I slipped forward. Fuck you!**

 **Jk. If you haven't noticed that I just write story that I daydream about then shrugs. This won't be a long story. Sorry. I'm unreliable...Not really.**

 **Italics=Swahili**

 **6 Months Later**

 **Ivy**

"Why is Alyson texting you? Wait. Why does she even have your number?"

"I don't have her number saved in my phone, M! I didn't know who it was which is why I messaged her back! You're just reaching for shit to argue about right now. Just stop."

"Why didn't you block her number when you broke up with her? Like seriously. If someone cheated on me that's the first thing I would do. You must still want her if-"

I sat back in my seat and stared out of the window as Marie went on and on. My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as she cursed at me.

I was beginning to understand how she felt in the beginning. It used to be me accusing her of stupid things and working myself up over hypothetical situations. Now, I just tune it out until she gets tired of talking and wants to have sex. I felt like I was drowning.

"-That's the problem, V. You never listen to me! I am so tired of this shit," Marie said, on the verge of tears. I tried to grab her hand and reassure her but she pushed me away like I was some urchin.

"Don't fucking touch me! Go touch Alyson."

I blinked rapidly, realizing that this arguement wasn't like the rest. Being pushed away triggered some insecurities inside me that I tried and failed to hide from her our entire relationship. Marie tried to get out of the car and I gripped her arm tightly. She struggled to break free and my anger threatened to overflow. I took deep breaths to calm myself.

"Marie. I don't want her. I want you. Can you please chill the fuck out," I said.

She stared at me oddly and my heart dropped. It wasn't a look she'd ever given me. It was like she was searching for me while I was right in front of her eyes. I didn't know what to do to show her that I loved her, that I was still here.

"Let me go," Marie said quietly. I raised my brows at her challengingly. "Let me go, Ivy. Now."

"What the hell is your problem? You really trying to leave me over a misunderstanding? I told you I didn't do anything wrong."

Marie sighed heavily and looked away from me. My heart was beating out of my chest and my head was throbbing. She couldn't leave me after this whole fucking year of being together. I refused to let it end over some petty arguments. Everything else was great.

"I think we need a break. We spend way too much time together...I think we've lost ourselves in each other."

I pulled away from her like I had been burned. My hands gripped the steering wheel harder than they were supposed to. The groaning of it echoed in my ears and I let it go shakily. I could feel something crumbling inside me.

"W-What did I do wrong, Marie? I can fix. If you just give me some time. I can fix it," I said frantically. Marie looked at me sadly and shook her head. I watched her eyes flick toward the deformed steering wheel.

"You're not the same person anymore. You haven't taken your medication in over a year...and you're keeping something big from me. You and Zeke both. The things you do...they aren't normal, Ivy."

I closed my tightly, fisting my hands in my hair. She was right but then again she was wrong. I am different, but the person she met was nothing close to who I really am. I used to think that if I showed her she would still love me with that all encompassing love. But I see that I was wrong. I clenched my jaw.

 _"I'm yours forever, Ivy."_

"Alright. You wanna leave? Leave. I knew you wouldn't stay for long," I sneered. I reached over and opened her door for her. When she flinched away from me I knew it was over. She was afraid of me.

"I only want a break, Ivy. Just give me two weeks okay? If you get back on your medication I think everything will be fine," she said, slipping out of my car. I nodded my head at her. I would make any promises.

"Be safe...I Iove you."

I watched her walk up to her dorm with fury burning through my veins. How could she do this to me? How could she leave me for something she has no knowledge about? She won't ever find someone like me ever again. Maybe she found somebody else. That explains her stupid accusations.

My nails dig into my skin so deep that blood deeper down my arm.

"No, you be safe Marie." _You can't leave me._

 **-o0o-**

 _"Push me to the edge. All my friends are dead-"_

The music thrummed the my body as I danced with Zeke. After my break up, he was the only one that I could really talk to. I hadn't spoken to my other friends much at all. My focus was always on _her._ My brother pulled me toward him suddenly.

Since you're single again, there's some girls here that have been worried about you," Zeke said in my ear. I sighed. "The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else."

"I don't want to do anything rash, Z. She did say we were on a break. If I start fucking somebody else I won't have a chance to get back with her."

Zeke gave me a look. _I don't think so._ I narrowed my eyes at him. He was looking over my head at something. When I tried to turn around, he wrapped his arm around me tightly. I thought better of throwing him off of me.

"When's the last time you took the pills Mom gave us," Zeke asked caustiously. I pushed him away from. "Ivy, are you sure she said a break?"

I turned around and almost instantly I saw what he was looking at. In the corner of the living room with a cup in her hand stood Marie. The thing that made me taste blood in my mouth was the girl, Alex. She was way too close.

My eyes followed her hand as it pushed a piece of hair behind my Marie's ear. My chest burned. I had been seeing them together but I didn't take Marie for the type to move on so fast. Now, I'm beginning to realize how naive I am. You don't ever really know anybody.

My ear twitched as she started talking.

" _I'm so sorry about Ivy. I should have warned you about her. Alyson said she was really possessive but I didn't want to believe her. She's kind of a massive bitch."_

 _"It's alright. I love her but she changed on me so quick, you know? In the beginning we were great but then she started being possessive and stopped listening to me. I still love her but I don't deserve that."_

 _"No, you don't. If you ever gave me a chance I would never do that."_

"Ivy, come on. Come outside and cool down," Zeke said, pulling me out of the group of people. A deep growl rumbled in my throat. "Please don't do this here. I really like this school! If you fuck this up mom will kill us!"

I pushed him off of me and slipped out of the crowd. My entire body wanted to turn back and rip Alex's face off, but I ran up the stairs instead. I leaned over the balcony trying to catch my breath, trying to hold onto my sanity. My hand bent the railing with little effort when I remembered where I was.

"Fuck, why did I come up here," I said under my breath. Memories of meeting Marie flashed back into my mind. She used to be so demure and shy.

"I haven't seen you here in while. I heard about you and your _girlfriend."_

I didn't even have it in me to act surprised. I couldn't pretend that I didn't hear her footsteps long before she tried to sneak up on me. She already knew I knew anyway. Her cold hand smoothed down my back and I sighed heavily.

"Does she know," Alyson asked quietly. I shook my head. "That's surprising. I thought she was smarter than that. Why didn't you tell her?"

"I wanted to but she left me before I could. I..I stopped taking the pills and she notcided something was wrong. It scared her."

Alyson threw her hands in the air exasperatedly.

"Well then you need to get over her. I saw her down there with Alex. You might as well kiss her sweet ass goodbye. She isn't fit to be apart of this world and you aren't fit to be apart of hers."

Alyson wrapped her arms around my waist and I sighed, relaxing into it. Despite our past, she knew what I needed to hear anytime I was upset. That doesn't mean I always listen to her advice. She doesn't understand what I'm going through. She's never felt this type of love for somebody before.

But if Marie wants to play these games then I can too. And so much better.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the stairs. I ignored her cursing and pulled her into the living room. Alyson stopped her protests as I started dancing with her. She knew what was going on. She ground her ass against me almost playfully.

"You really think making her jealous will do you any good, V?"

"What else can I do? My other options are much more drastic."

I caught Zeke's eye from across the room. He flicked his eyes to the right and I followed his gaze. I stopped dancing immediately. Marie was obviously very drunk. I could see it on her face. That wasn't what made angry. She was locked in a very sloppy kiss with Alex. I felt unclean just watching it. My stomach lurched.

"Holy shit. The little snowflake can party," Alyson laughed loudly. My fists clenched at my sides. Before I could walk over and punch Alex's face off, she grabbed my arm.

"Hey! Calm the hell down. You can't tell me that isn't hot. Me and you had a threeesome. Remember?"

"This isn't the same. She said we were on a break and she's already making out with a random bitch. This is fucked up, Alyson," I gritted out. She sighed heavily.

"I know but you have to let it go. Let it be over. Let me take your mind off of it," she said, pulling me towards the stairs.

I shook my head frantically, fingers tapping on my thigh like a drum. If I told her about the thoughts I was having, she would run away from me screaming. All I could see was red. I wanted both of their heads rolling across the ground. I wanted to watch the life leave Alex's eyes. My hate was all consuming.

However, I couldn't mess things up for my brother. That only meant that I would have to do things much more discreetly. A sadistic smirk pulled at my lips. She won't get away with this. Nobody touches what is mine.

Alyson pushed me into a room and immediately began working on my clothes. I had no qualms about fucking her now. My anger was too much to even think about our past. It wouldn't make me feel any better in the long wrong but I knew I could work some of my frustration off.

"Damn, you really haven't taken your meds. This would scare me too. You look like one of those strung out bodybuilder chics," Alyson said, touching my body experimentally. My veins were bulging unnaturally. My muscles strained like I had taken steroids.

"Fuck the damn meds. I'm done trying to be normal. Mom can shove me up her ass."

I ripped her clothes off hastily and pushed her on the bed. Alyson smiled lewdly, pulling me down with her. I would like to say I was a gentlewoman but no. I dove in without any sort of warning. I knew she could take it. Alyson isn't very breakable.

"Jesus Christ. You asshole," she panted, nails clawing down my back. I hissed quietly. As soon as the cuts began to bleed I felt them seal up again.

"You were always into anal."

I thrusted into her at an inhuman pace, finally able to lose control. Alyson's moans filled the room. It was like music to my ears. I relished in the feeling of her nails digging into me, her teeth biting at my neck. Before I could catch a breath, she flipped me over like a rag doll. I grabbed her hips and held on for dear life while she road me like a stallion.

"God you feel so good," she moaned as I wrapped my hand around her slender throat. I could feel her gripping me like a vise.

"Yes! I'm gonna cum!"

My ears twitched as I heard familiar footsteps getting closer to the door. It sounded like Marie but there was another set of footsteps beside her. I debated whether I should throw Alyson off of me or not. Then I realized what was going on. There is only one reason they would be coming to this room.

"Cum for me," I whispered, thrusting into her harder. I smirked as let out a rather loud moan. The doorknob turned at the same instant. I didn't acknowledge it.

Marie gasped loudly and I heard her cup clatter onto the wooden floor. Alyson turned around, seemingly surprised. I wondered how she didn't hear them coming. I pushed her off me unceremoniously.

"What the fuck," Marie stammered. Her face turned red and I could see tears in her eyes. I tilted my head at her display of emotions.

"Oh you're about to cry? You weren't about to cry when you were slobbering all over Alex here," I sneered, pulling my clothes back on.

I threw Alyson her shit and made to exit the room. Marie and her little cunt had other plans though. Marie pushed against my chest and I stopped for her sake. When she touched me it felt like a slap in the face. I could've torn her to pieces right then and there. Actually, Alex's obnoxious face looked like a better target.

"It was just a kiss, Ivy! You just fucked the person I've been accusing you of cheating with! How long has this been going on," she yelled, pounding on my chest with her tiny fists. I didn't try to stop her for fear of hurting her.

"Answer her, bitch! From the looks of it, you two have been practicing," Alex chimed in.

"Oh, you guys have a death wish."

As soon as my fists clenched, Alyson was dragging me passed them roughly. I ignored the shocked faced around me and the echoing of my name being yelled over the music. Everything was zoning in and out. Blood pooled in my mouth. I could feel it trickling from my nose as well.

"Hang on, V. Ally's gonna take you somewhere safe," Zeke whispered in my ear. I couldn't speak to him. I couldn't even acknowledge him.

The feeling of cool air hitting my skin was welcome. I felt like I was flying through the air. It had been a long time since I had moved this fast. The blurring trees distracted my mind for only a few moments. When my eyes lifted up to the bright full moon I lost all of my composure.

"Goddamnit, I forgot," Alyson cursed as my body twisted painfully in her arms.

My screams echoed into the night air but still I could hear my bones cracking and shifting. I felt like I had been plunged into the depths of hell. Lava courses through my veins, scorching and flaying me alive. I could only remember it hurting like this the very first time. I went too long without giving into the moon.

I should have just taken the pills.

My bones broke and snapped into a new shape painfully slow. I couldn't keep the earth shattering shrieks from ripping their way out of my mouth. Tears and bloody snot streamed down my face in a sloppy mess. I couldn't catch my breath.

"I know. I know baby. We're almost there," Alyson whispered, pushing us further into the woods of the deep south.

"No," I cried. It came out sounding more like a growl. "Don't take me home!"

Alyson ignored me completely and I knew it was too late. I could already smell her. She was waiting on us. I knew she was disappointed in me. This wasn't the first time I had lost control.

Alyson knows that well. But this time it was worse. I could feel Marie calling me back to her. I thrashed in Alyson's arms as she came to a screeching halt.

"Ma'am, she's-"

"Put her on the ground and leave. Now," my mother's stern voice made me stop instantly.

"Yes ma'am."

My back hit the ground with a thud and I stared up at my mother, pain still rippling through me. My mother shook her head at me sadly, her ebony curls waving behind her. It only added onto my pain. All I ever wanted was to make her proud but I can't control myself enough to secede her.

" _Make it stop mama! I don't wanna turn anymore. I promise I'll take the pills,"_ I whimpered painfully. I felt like I was being pulled toward the moon by my skeleton.

"Ivani Mosi Sakraman," Mother tsked. Her soft hand carressed my cheek gently. " _If you cant live with the humans then I will make an Alpha out of you._ "

"No, please!"

 **"Give in."**

My screams shattered the sky.


	12. Ivani

**Ivani**

The cool night air combed through my fur as I ran free for the first time in years. It had been so long since the human gave in to the moon. I could feel the residual effects of the poison burning out of my system. My nails dug into the ground pushing me further away from my alpha, Serana.

The human inside me cursed the dark skinned human, but not I. I rejoiced in being back in my own skin. Being locked away was hell. It was like being in a dark cell, looking out of a port hole. The wolfsbane sedated me and now I have the freedom to hunt.

I don't intend to be locked away again.

A growl built up in my chest as the sound of human feet padding toward me got closer. I sniffed the air frantically, the sweet scent was familiar but somehow different from the blonde one that was once mine. My body lurched as a howl cut the thick trees of the forest. The trees looked different. Only then did I notice how far I had ran.

I stood up on my two feet and listened closely. The hard trotting of my alpha was getting closer but the human feet had stopped. I snorted, sniffing the air some more as the woman stopped behind me. A snarl rumbled up in my chest when I felt her aura.

"Don't you growl at me Ivani and be silent. I smell sanguines," the alpha growled quietly. I bared my teeth at her but I backed down. The weak human inside me saw the woman as a maternal figure. "Listen!"

I lifted my ear to the wind and watched as the alpha crouched in front of me. At first I could only hear the wind. The sound of leaves blowing across the ground was the only thing I could hear. When Serana began to tremble it confused me.

"I can hear you, pale ones. Show yourselves," she called, straightening from her crouch. I stepped around her slightly as I heard them moving towards us. " _It is okay, Ivani Mosi. They are no threat to us."_

I crouched down to her level and watched the pale creatures come to stand before us. The man and woman looked at me like with wide eyes. I could taste their fear on my tongue. A harsh cackle echoed from my mouth and Serana nudged me in the chest gently. The vampires stepped back.

"Jacques and Helena. I was not expecting you to visit at this time. Have you forgotten about the full moon?"

"We came to see you after all these years. We weren't expecting...," he trailed off, eyeing me caustiously. I grunted at him in annoyance. I just wanted to run. Maybe even hunt them for sport.

"You weren't expecting my daughter to be here. Understandable. Now, what do you want? We have hunting to do."

The couple looked at each other uneasily and I narrowed my eyes. Something was off about them. I could smell the apprehension flowing off of them. I stepped even further in front of Serana in case of an attack. Her fingers carressed my fur softly.

"A descendant of ours seems to have been dating your daughter. Although she does not know what your daughter is, has been asking her mother and father questions," Helena said carefully, eyes flicking toward me nervously. My claws dug into the ground as human memories came into my mind.

"And...why is that of any concern to me? Who my daughter chooses to bed is not important to me," Serana said impatiently. I could feel that her alpha aura was thickening around the space. The two vampires stepped back even further.

"I value your friendship, Jacques and Helena but please explain to me why you thought it was wise to interrupt our hunt over this child's questions?"

Jacques and his mate trembled in fear as she stepped forward. I paced restlessly, thinking about the girl. She was my human's mate. She smelled better than the pale one. I wanted to meet her. I clawed at the ground, wishing I could find her now. Serana's gaze was stern on me.

"Marie's queries have not stopped at your daughter. She has noticed how different we are. I had not planned on telling her until many years later. As we've done with all of our descendants. If the Volturi catch wind of Marie... if they catch wind of your family.."

Serana's laughter echoed through the trees, making me jump. I growled impatiently. All of this talking was starting to make me angry. I wanted to hunt and kill. These pale creatures were beginning to smell like corpses and I wanted live, screaming meat. The thought made drool leak from my large jaws.

"Jacques, Helena. You obviously don't know much about me. Now, get this girl under control before she gets hurt. My daughter and I must hunt," Serana said dismissively. They didn't dare to stop us as we took off into the forest.

"I've never liked sanguines."

We ran together for a while, just enjoying being together again as a pack. I missed our beta. Together we would run for hours and hours, wreaking havoc. He is locked away too. Just letting his weak human side keep him hidden away. I feel angry for him.

The smell of humans reached our noses and we stopped immediately. A male and a female out here in the middle of our territory alone. My mouth watered again. My stomach felt painfully empty. I hadn't eaten in years. The human food tasted like dirt.

" **Stay.** I will scout ahead."

Serana's blackened eyes commanded me to stay in my place and she moved ahead. I seethed. How dare she command me when I'm starving ? I am just as much of an alpha as she is. I calmed myself, remembering what I had been plotting for years. I will create my own pack. No, I will find Marie, make her my mate, and create my own pack.

I watched Serana effortlessly give in to her wolf and run off towards the humans. When she finally called me over, I darted for the humans. I didn't care about Serana's need to do things her way. If I wanted to eat, I would eat. I was done being tame.

I dove toward the tent of sleeping humans rabidly. All I could see was red. They smelled delicious. As my claws ripped through the tent the humans woke up screaming. Serana tried to pull me away but it was too late. My teeth sank into the man's thigh like a knife through butter. His screams were music to my ears.

"Oh my god," the girl screamed. I didn't pay attention to her as she ran away from her little tasty boyfriend. I could hear Serana chasing her down and the sound of the girl gurgling on her own blood.

The man's fist beat my head while I ripped his flesh off the bone. I applauded his bravery and will to fight. However, I became annoyed with my prey very fast. I brought my clawed hand down into his chest. I gripped his heart and ripped it out with a wet thunk. I watched his wide eyes go blank as I feasted on his heart. It was small but tasty. I dove into his flesh.

"If you're going to be an alpha you need to learn how to ambush prey. You snap the neck first and then you feed," Serana said behind me. I growled and continued eating. She made a sound of disgust.

"You need to learn to feed cleaner too. You eat like a child."

I snarled and stood up quickly. Her taunts were becoming annoying. I wanted to show Serana that I was just as strong as her. I held my breath and willed myself back to a human form. I refused to let my weak human side come back to the surface. The little girl had no control. I was too strong for her to hold me back for long. Especially without the wolfsbane poison.

I groaned as my bones reshaped themselves. My mane sank back into my skin, disappearing quickly. I could hear Serana gasp behind me. I chuckled under my breath when I saw her face. She looked proud but slightly taken aback.

"It took me over a century to do what you just did," she rasped. Her fingers traced over my brow gently. She seemed to be searching for the little weakling inside me. "Don't let your wolf overwhelm you Ivy. You must see that your wolf is not something separate. It is apart of you."

I pushed her away from me harshly. Serana flew through the air like a bullet, crashing into trees and knocking them down. I shot after her and wrapped my hand around her neck tightly. Frustration boiled inside me when she didn't even struggle.

"That weak pup isn't coming back. She is not apart of me. She is a nuisance," I whispered, tracing a sharp nail over her cheek. Serana didn't flinch as I opened her skin. I dropped her like a piece of trash and walked away from her.

A smirk spread over my lips as I prowled away. I felt like an apex predator. There were no sounds around me except for Serana's heartbeat and the rustling of the leaves in the wind. I questioned what I wanted to do next. An image of milky skin and blues eyes came to my mind. I turned back to Serana one last time.

"Oh, and you won't have to worry about Marie. I'll take care of her."


	13. Humanity

**Ivani**

The fluorescent lights irritated my eyes as I made my way up the stairs.

My most recent prey's baggy shirt tickled at my thighs. He was a nice man but very naive. He offered me help when he saw my bloody face and that was his end. I liked the shirt though. His flesh wasn't too bad either.

Just as my hand touched my doorknob I heard a door open down the hall. I was about to go about my business but something caught my attention. The smell that penetrated my nostrils almost knocked me to the ground. I turned around immediately and narrowed my eyes at the source of the smell.

I inately knew it would be Marie but I wasn't expecting her to be standing there staring at me. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. I tilted my head at her, wondering why she looked so horrified. Marie darted over to me in a frenzy and drug me into my own room.

"What the hell happened to you, Ivy? Are you okay," she exclaimed. I looked down at myself and saw the blood staining my body. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine, little one."

Marie ripped my shirt over my head swiftly and I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up. Her hand moved over my body in search of any wounds that could be the source of the blood. All the while, I took in the delectable scent of her flesh and the feeling of her hands on my heated skin. It didn't help that I was naked.

"How can you be hard right now? You're bleeding," Marie said, rolling her eyes. She pulled me into my bathroom and shoved me into the shower. I didn't flinch as the cold water hit my skin. It rose up in puffs of steam.

"Will you join me? I can't quite reach my back," I asked, lips twitching into a smirk. Marie stared at my eyes in confusion before shaking her head as if to clear it.

"If you tell me what happened to you. But don't think you can touch me, Ivy. I haven't forgotten what you did the other night."

I took a moment to plant a sad expression on my face for her sake. I really couldn't care less about what happened with Alyson. My weak human was responsible for that. I thought up a lie very quickly.

"I went back home with my mother for a few days and on my way back here we ran into a deer. Mom and I had to pry it out of the grill. It was bleeding and shit. I felt so bad for the poor guy. I love animals," I lied easily. I hung my head in shame and added in a little sniffle for effect.

Marie grabbed my hand and rubbed it comfortingly. "I'm sorry. I know that was hard for you." I forced myself not to smile. I didn't need her to see my canines.

I watched her undress out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't foreign for us to shower together but I was never in the forefront before. Her pale skin revealed itself to me and all I could think was how bad I wanted to sink my teeth into her. It became even worse when her cool hands slid up my ridged back.

"You're so hot. Are you sick?"

"No," I moaned. I braced my hands on the shower wall as she lathered my back with soap. "Mm, that feels good."

"Ivy..I have a question," Marie said shakily. My eyebrows furrowed and I hummed. "Why did you do that with her?"

Memories of the party popped into the back of my mind. Images of Alex and Marie kissing caused rage to build up inside of me. I imagined ripping the whores flesh from the bone and feasting upon it hungrily. I turned around to face Marie head on.

"The same reason you let Alex shove her tongue down your throat. I was drunk," I said matter of factly. "That hurt more than you know. I thought you were my soulmate."

Marie looked away from me guiltily. I rejoiced in her subconscious submission and I lifted her chin back up with my finger. I watched water drip from her brow slowly. It trailed down neck, taunting me and inciting even more hunger. This closed space made her scent even more apparent. My mouth watered.

"What's wrong with your eyes? They're like...black," Marie whispered suspiciously. I cursed her need to question everything.

"I ordered some new contacts online. They didn't have hazel in stock," I lied easily. Thank the goddess for the Ivy's weak eyes.

"Oh okay."

Marie helped me wash the blood off of my skin generously. Never once did her hands wander. Sadly. Even after all of the dirty things we had done, she pretended to be innocent. If I had it my way she would be writhing in sweat and blood. Ivy never showed her pain and I doubt she could have. I would make her love it.

When we were finished, I walked her to the door like a true...gentleman. Marie stopped at the last second.

"Why didn't Zeke go with you to visit your mother? I mean, how did you get there without your car?"

I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes. I thought maybe she wanted to fuck now. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe taking a bite of her is but not a little bit of fucking. I remember a time when there nothing better than sex, wine, chasing down prey. Modern civilization has turned to shit.

"I took the bus. I've just been really depressed. My mother always knows how to help me. Zeke said he needed to catch up on his grades. He isn't as close with our mother," I lied casually. Ezekiel was much closer to Serana than I was.

"Oh okay. You can talk to me if you want to. I'm always here for you. We don't have to be strangers," Marie said kindly. I tensed as she grasped my shoulder. Her hands were so cool and she smelled like heaven.

A question popped into my mind.

Why I am acting like a human right now? What the hell is wrong with me? I think I lost my mind years ago. I had enough time to devour this human and I didn't. I decided to give her a chance to save her own life before I felt inclined to act out my more primal desires on a whim. Her wide eyed innocence and delectable scent called to me like no other. But I do love to allow my prey to walk away. Only once. If they come back it was fated.

"I don't think we should talk anymore. It's best for you if you just forget that we ever had anything."

Marie stared at me incredulously, eyes red and tired. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm giving _you_ a chance after you fucked Alyson. And we just broke up. I can't just forget about everything we had," she said angrily.

I tried to hold back a smirk as her heart thudded faster in her chest. Her pheromones released through her sweat, making my mouth water copiously. I wondered if I made her death look like an accident, would Jacques and Helena know?

"It would be **safer** if you left me alone, Marie. If you decide to try and be my friend it won't end well. Do you understand," I whispered threateningly. I was so close to her that I could feel her breath on my neck. I stared her down like a predator, inky black eyes piercing into blue.

Marie looked shaken to the core but she didn't back down. I had to hold in my laughter. I do see what Ivy saw in her now. She is much stronger than she looks. Her eyes were fixed on mine and she seemed to be trying to decipher something.

"W-What are you?"

This time I had to chuckle aloud. Even in the midst of danger, she manages to ask questions. I stepped back into my room and smiled a deadly smile, canines glinting in the shitty flourescent light of the corridor. Marie gasped and jumped away from me.

"What am I," I mocked, rolling my eyes. What a stupid question. "I'm back."


	14. An end

**-o0o-**

I ran around the campus at a steady pace, totally at ease. The cool air brushed against my skin like fingertips. I hadn't slept for a couple days. Not that I needed to. However, it was rather boring.

Just sitting around, fantasizing about what I would do to the human. I began to feel caged in again. Not to mention, I was beginning to get hungry again and it was getting much much worse. My stomach was like an empty pit eating away at itself.

Especially with the way the little human seemed to be following me everywhere. I can smell her now. I've noticed the smell of vampire on her. As faint as it may be, it sticks out like a sore thumb. And it pisses me off. It's like a taunt. Since she has no sense of self preservation, I'll answer it.

I could feel her eyes on me. She was lurking in the darkness as if I couldn't hear her wet heart thumping in her chest. Marie had been texting and calling me nonstop. She didn't understand why I wouldn't talk to her but most of all, she wanted to what was wrong with me. I found it hilarious at first and then that turned to overwhelming annoyance.

Footsteps pattered behind me and I stopped running abruptly. My lips pulled into a smirk and I turned around to see her standing there like a deer in headlights. I licked my lips. My stomach ached with hunger and pooled with desire. I've found nothing more sexy than frightened prey.

Before she could blink I was in front of her, cutting her stuttered questions short.

"What the fuck," Marie exclaimed, stumbling backwards. I titled my head. "Never mind. Just tell me what the hell is going on. What happened to you?"

"I warned you, Marie, but you didn't listen to me," I said ominously. Her fear tasted sweet on my tongue. "But I'll give you your answers-"

Marie sighed in relief, clutching her chest. I almost laughed. The human capacity for trust is their downfall.

"-But not here."

I picked her up quickly and threw her over my shoulder. She had no time to scream before I was running at full speed off the campus and into the woods behind it. She kicked and thrashed to no avail. It only made me more hungry. Any rational thought that I had before was gone. All I wanted was her flesh. That delectable scent wafting off of her didn't help at all.

"Ivy, let me go! Please! I'll leave you alone," Marie cried, clawing at my back. It might as well have been white noise to me.

"It's too late for you."

I kept running, ignoring her sobbing. A barn came into view and I farted towards it. The perfect place to begin my feast. Once inside, I dropped Marie immediately. She crying and snorting all over the place. Disgusting.

"What do you want from me," she cried, backing away from me. I rolled my eyes.

"You asked what I am. I'm going to tell you and then I'm going to show you. I mean...that is what you wanted right? You've thrown yourself at me since high school."

Marie's eyes widened and she stopped moving. I laughed aloud, making her flinch.

"Ivy didn't notice but I did. She always wanted to be fucking normal. To live and die as a weakling like you. Oh and maybe you aren't as much of a weakling as I thought. Even though Jacques and Helena seem to disagree."

"What? How do you know my family," Marie whispered in fear.

"Vampires and werewolves didn't always get along but my mother is exceptional. Jacques and Helena have known her since before I was born. Which...says a lot," I said casually. Marie stared at me incredulously. "Don't act like you didn't know they were vampires. You're too smart."

Marie was silent for a long time. She stared at the ground like a mannequin. I could almost hear her loud thoughts. I watched her patiently. She was intriguing. I noticed how much she looked like her vampire predecessors and it brought about questions. However, my mind wandered back to hunger. Her lineage didn't matter, only her flesh was of importantance.

I shot forward and wrapped my hand around her slender throat. She tried to scream but only choked noises reached my ears. I licked a stripe up her neck, moaning as I tasted her sweat. I wrapped my around around her body and nipped at her skin.

"I-Ivy, you don't have to do this," Marie stammered. Her body shivered against mine. To my surprise, the smell of her arousal flooded my nose. A growl rumbled in my chest. "Ivy! I know you can hear me. Please stop this!"

I ignored her nonsensical ramblings and started to tear at her clothing. The only thing on my mind was Marie. I wanted everything that was her. She called to me like a siren. So much so that I was on autopilot, completely controlled by desire.

"Ivy...I'm warning you," Marie whispered dangerously. If I had been in my right mind I would have been startled by her change of tone.

" **Mine** ," I growled. My eyes inked into blackness and my nails began to lengthen.

"No, I'm not."

Suddenly, my feet weren't on the ground. The air rushed past me for a second before my body was crashing into the far side of the barn. I grunted as I hit the ground, completely in shock of what just happened. I righted myself quickly and watched as Marie backed away from me. She looked to be surprised at her own actions.

"What are you," I snarled at her. "You've been lying to me this entire time."

"I don't know what just happened! Please believe me," Marie pleaded, backing away as I advanced.

" _Lies._ Whatever you are, you'll taste nice."

Marie darted out of the barn faster than I've ever seen her move before. It was almost vampire speed. I followed quickly, dodging fallen trees and roots as I chased her down. My apex predator instincts were completely awakened at this point.

She could never beat my speed but I enjoyed the chase. For no other reason than the hunt. Just as she started to slow down I smirked evilly, pouncing in her like a big cat. We went down rolling across the forest floor. Marie fought against me as hard as she could, scratching and biting, but she wasn't strong enough. I pinned her arms to the ground.

"I have lived for over a millennia. Did you really expect to escape me," I snarled.

"Fuck you," Marie spat in my face. I scoffed in disgust and wiped my chin before striking her across the face multiple times. The sound resounded through the trees.

I watched the cuts on her face slowly knit itself back together in awe. I felt cheated. I felt betrayed. If only she had told me what she was we could have been the perfect mates.

"I'm done playing games with you. If you want to kill me then do it," Marie said exasperatedly. Those blue eyes watered and overflowed. "Just know that I did love you, Ivy. I won't ever stop loving yo-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

I struck her again and again, harder than before. She had no right to say these things to me. It was her fault I was even doing this. She brought this fury down upon herself. If only she could have stayed with me. If only she could have left that human bitch alone that night. A scream built up in my chest and I gripped her bloody face in my hands.

"Why did you lie to me? Why did you leave me? Huh? Talk to me."

Marie coughed up blood. Her face wasn't healing as fast as it was before and now horror was finally setting in for me. Her eyes were swollen almost completely shut and her lips were split open. Something inside me broke apart into a million pieces.

"Oh fuck, come on Marie. Come on. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me," I whispered frantically, holding her in my arms. "What can I do to help you? Do you need blood? I can go get you some."

"..I'm just sleepy," she muttered. Tears streamed down my face and I shook my head. "But I never told you...never told you.."

"What didn't you tell me, Marie? You can tell me now," I said quietly, rocking her back and forth. She gripped me weakly in return.

"I-I didn't want to leave you...you're my mate, Ivy. I knew when I first saw you," she choked out, clutching at my face.

I froze up. Any hunger I had was stamped out. Never once did that thought come across my mind. I gave up on mating a long time ago when the African sands of the desert clung to my feet. But now I see the signs.

Suddenly, I was not one the most deadly predators on the Earth. I was a fragment of a person holding my broken heart in my hands as it bled out. Marie's eyes were slipping closed when I finally snapped out of my stupor.

"Wait! I'm going to find an animal for you to drink. Just hold on," I said shakily, laying her back down on the ground. I did not want to leave her. It took everything to just stand up.

"I'll be right back. I promise."

I turned around to leave only to be tackled to the ground by some invisible force. I grunted as my back dug into the ground. Looking up, I saw that it was Jacques. I growled ferociously and fought to kick him off of me. I fought in vain. Helena was on me as well, wrapping her arm around my throat.

"What did you do to her," Jacques snarled. I choked as my windpipe was crushed. He rained blows on me with the force of a god. "How dare you harm my daughter!"

I went limp as they beat me to a pulp. I didn't blame them. If what he said was true, they had every right to kill me. I had harmed my mate. I had betrayed her irreparably. I felt it was my time to go. I've been given too many chances. I've lived too long to have not learned basic control.

I've committed the worst crime. I've failed my mate. As Jacques' teeth sliced through my skin, I knew it was over for me. My time, for the first time in life, was limited.

Suddenly, I was lying in the cold hard ground. The sounds of fighting going on around was muffled as my injuries were dire. I could feel a fire coursing through my veins.

Through the pain, I could hear my mother and brother fighting. I could hear Marie's heart thumping heart begin to slow down to a dangerous rate. I closed my eyes and allowed tears to roll down. I could find no one to blame but myself.

"Oh my god...she's been bitten," I heard Alyson exclaim. Her cold hands sent my hellish body into shock. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I should have been here."

"Help Marie. She needs blood. Leave me," I gritted out.

Alyson looked at me incredulously but she listened nonetheless. She kissed my head and left me lying there. Above me, my mother and brother stood looking down. Their eyes were sad but even worse, disappointed. I prayed for the venom to hurry on its path to my heart.

"I'm sorry, sis," Zeke whispered, holding my hand. I held in a scream as the venom scorched through me. "I love you."

My mother kneeled down before me and smoothed my hair back. My blood smeared on her hand but this didn't deter her. She gripped my head in her hands firmly and I understood what she wanted to do.

" _Your time had come, Ivani. Do you wish to suffer? Or do you wish for me to take you out of this world as I brought you into it,"_ she asked me calmly. Tears welled in her eyes but she knew I was ready. I had always had a very hard time with this life.

I watched as Alyson pulled a deer over to my mate and I didn't have to think any further. Zeke covered his mouth and walked away from me but I couldn't blame him. He would be the one to take my death the hardest. Our beings are one. Our souls never made it in their goal to separate. I could feel his pain.

"Yes.."

My mother pressed her forehead to mine for one last time and I knew I only had a few seconds left. But I was not afraid. The Earth had thrived millions of years before I was born it will go on just fine after I am gone. I just hope Marie will be as well.

"Goodnight, my little moon," she whispered.

The last thing I felt was my mother's hands tightening. The last thing I heard was the slurping of my mate as she drank her fill of blood. As life is taken from me, it is given to the one I almost took it from. The darkness that embraced me before birth wrapped it's comforting arms around me once again.

And just as one falls asleep, I fell into death.


	15. Haunted

**Marie**

 **Two years later**

The streets of Paris bustled around me as I sat with my camera in hand. The City of Love was just that. When I finally persuaded my boss to send me here, I was ecstatic. The pictures I searched up online didn't do it enough justice.

I snapped shot after shot of a flock of birds drinking from the large water fountain in the town square.

"Birds? Really?" I put my camera down to scowl at Zeke.

"You're messing up my zen," I complained.

"There's a lot of stuff you can take pictures of around here and you choose birds. I mean, what about these old ass buildings? The hairy French people?"

"You are so rude," I laughed.

He was right though. There was so much more here but after what happened...my muse was gone. I ramdomly snapped more pictures of the town as we made our way back to the hotel. I couldn't leave here empty handed.

Later that night, I was flicking through my camera when I noticed something odd. It was the picture of the birds. But in the distance, next to a building, stood a familiar person. My heart jumped and my blood ran cold. I ran out of my room in search of Zeke.

I banged on his door until he finally opened it, looking utterly confused and on edge.

"What the hell is wrong with you, M?"

"Look at this. Tell me this isn't who I think it is," I said frantically. My eyes watered as I thrustedthe camera into his hands.

Zeke stared at the camera for a while, zooming in and out as I waited impatiently for his response. He sighed heavily and placed the camera on the bar, shaking his head. Anger boiled inside me.

"You can't tell me she's not there! Look at it," I said angrily. Tears flooded my eyes. I couldn't hold back the violent sobs that racked my body.

Zeke pulled me into a hug and I fought weakly to get away.

"It's alright. I know you miss her. We all do...but she's gone. That's not her."

I let myself cry. For months, I could swear I saw her in the corner of my eyes. I could swear that I smelled her scent. But no one ever believed me. I did not want to believe that she was gone.

I couldn't believe it. I never even got to see her body before they took her away from me. I just knew something was going on. I

refused to believe that I was crazy.

Zeke took me back to my room and tucked me in like I was some child. I stopped him before he left.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

He turned back and looked at me with those hazel eyes. So similar to my mate's back so starkly different. My chest ached.

"No...I think you're grieving. We're all grieving. I'll never claim to know what it feels like to lose a mate, but..I'm here for you," he said quietly.

"Where did Serana take her, Zeke? Where was she buried? Where is Alyson," I confronted him. He showed no signs of discomfort. He just shook his head.

I don't even know, Marie.."

He left, leaving me more confused than before. I wanted to burst out of my skin. I wanted to drain every person in this hotel. Instead, I listened as his door shut down the hall and snuck out of my bed.

I stared at the figure in the picture before I left. That figure was too familiar. I knew my mate. The faint point of a neat bun on the top of the figures head and the position of the hand on the figures thigh did it for me. My entire being told me it was her.

It had to be.

I opened my window quietly, making sure no one was around to see me. When I was sure everything was clear, I jumped down. The air whirled past me and I braced myself as I landed on the cobblestone street.

I lurked in the shadows as I creeped toward the spot where the figure was standing in the photo. There was barely anyone on the streets and I was grateful for that. I hoped that the person's scent was still there.

When I arrived at the spot, almost immediately, my nostrils flared. I took deep breaths to breathe in the beautiful scent of my mate. It was so strong that I couldn't control my primal reaction. I had been deprived for so long.

I frantically followed the trail of the scent down a number of alleys. It led me to a very shoddy looking building. It looked completely abandoned. The scent was still strong so I followed inside. It did not escape my notice that the door was unlocked.

The building was dark and damp. The smell of mold filled my nose, largely dampening Ivy's scent. I cursed quietly and searched the lower level finding nothing but dead rats and old debris.

I creeped up the stairs as quietly as possible. I was beginning to feel weird. Like I was being watched. A chill ran up my spine as I made it to the upper level. I could sense something but I didn't know what. There were no sounds except for scurrying rats and bugs crawling through the walls.

"Fuck," I cursed quietly, after stepping on a beer can. I kicked it across the ground in frustration.

The beer can did not go as far as it should have. My blood ran cold as the sound of a foot crunching down on the can echoed in the quiet building. At the end of the hall stood the love of my life. Alive.

"Ivy?"

I stepped toward her cautiously. She did not move. She did not speak.

"Ivy, please say something," I pleaded. My heart pounded in my chest. I was beginning to get scared. Something was off.

"Ivy.."

Suddenly, I noticed something even stranger. It was too quiet. The humming of her abnormally fast heart was missing entirely. She wasn't even breathing.

"What happened to you," I whispered quietly.

I jumped back as she suddenly appeared a few feet away. It was so fast that I didn't register her movement. My heart pounded faster when I saw her eyes. They were a deep magenta. Her skin was deathly pale.

She was very much not alive.

"Marie," she purred. I tensed up as she wrapped her strong arms around me.

Her voice was like silk. Her scent surrounded me. It was so much stronger than before. I knew now that it was do to this..change. I still couldn't understand how it was possible. She was a werewolf. From what Zeke told me, werewolves can't be turned.

"What happened to you," I asked quietly. She nuzzled my neck and breathed in my scent deeply. "Ivy-"

"The venom. I was changed. Neck snapped. Buried," she grunted.

A chill ran down my spine and I held her tighter. I bit my lip as her tongue traced along my throat. Her hands carressed me reverently, slipping under my skirt. I shivered under her cold touch. I was so used to her heat that this sudden coldness through me off.

"How is that possible? You're a werewolf," I asked in confusion.

"You can't just be happy that I'm alive, can you? No more questions," she said in annoyance. I tried to push her away but she didn't budge. Her teeth scraped across my neck. "You taste good."

"Ivy, stop. I need to know how this happened to you!"

Ivy growled in frustration before sighing heavily. Her shoulders hunched in defeat.

"All I remember is darkness after she snapped my neck. When I woke up, I was buried six feet deep. I was so fucking thirsty," she explained, clutching her neck. I could hear her swallowing back venom. "And I could smell you, Marie."

Ivy held my face in her hands like a glass doll. All of the feelings I held for her came rushing back. It was like nothing bad ever happened between us. All of the pain we caused each other was nonexistent. She was so close that I could feel her sweet breath on my lips.

"I needed to find you and I did. You nearly saw me a dozen times. I was too wild to control my thirst. Even with you being half vampire, your scent still called to me like nothing else. It still does."

Ivy smashed our lips together hard, making my body hum. Electricity ran down my spine. Her hands wandered all over my body like she couldn't believe it was actually me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't aroused. Here was my mate, assumed dead, kissing and touching for the first time in two years. I wanted to rip her clothes off.

I jumped as her teeth nipped at my neck particularly hard. I felt my blood trickle down my neck and Ivy's body stiffen into a stone statue. Her face turned cold.

"It's alright. It's just a little blood. It'll heal in a second," I tried to soothe her. She remained eerily still, eyes following the blood as it dropped down.

 **Ivani**

"Ivy?"

I finally had her alone.

Her blood called to me like nothing else. A siren in the darkness. A beacon of hope. A morsel filled with ambrosia just for me. Only my tongue. Only mine.

I pulled her toward me hard and bit into her neck easily. Her screams were music to my ears. Her blood was even better. Like heaven flowing down my throat and soothing the ever present fire that raged there.

"Ivy! Please," she gurgled.

I ignored her completely. Ivy is gone. Ivy is dead forever. She will be too.

"What the fuck?"

Suddenly I was ripped away from my prey and crashing through a wall. I got up immediately and growled at Zeke. He wanted my prey for himself. He would not have her. Never.

"You promised to stay away from her! We gave you a chance," he said sadly. I didn't understand his emotion.

"You are gullible and stupid. Her blood is mine and I will have it even if I have to kill you."

Marie began to scream loudly, hurting my ears. I could smell my blood moving through her body and tainting her blood. I became even angrier.

"Try me," he growled.

His body contorted grotesquely. The sound of his bones breaking triggered a memory in my mind. Sharp fear racked my body. My instinct to run was triggered but I ignored it and charged him full force.

I kicked him through the wall before he change any further. I grabbed the girl and sank my teeth into her neck as fast I could, sucking hard. Her bones cracked under my strength and she cried in pain.

A loud growl was my only warning before teeth sank into my shoulder. I screamed in pain and dropped Marie to the ground. The searing pain continued as my arm was ripped from my body. I gripped the stump to try and stop the pain.

Those teeth closed around my midsection and lifted me into the air. He shook me like a rag doll. I could feel my body beginning to split in half. My screams went unheard as my upper half fell to the ground.

"Please stop," I begged, trying to pull myself away from the beast.

He growled, standing above me menacingly. Something in his eyes was sad. I took full advantage of his weakness.

"Z, please help me. I'm sorry," I cried. His growling quieting suddenly. "I didn't mean to hurt her, Z! Please, I don't wanna die!"

He whined and stepped back, looking like he was in pain. I smirked discreetly. My twin was always too easily manipulated. An idiot unlike myself.

"She's lying," Marie croaked, choking on her own blood. "Kill her, Zeke. She is not Ivy!"

He growled savagely and lunged towards me. Before I could take another breath, his gleaming teeth blocked my view. Suddenly, the agonizing thrust was gone.

As was everything else.

 **Marie**

"I'm so cold," I whispered.

Venom no longer burned through my veins. Neither did anything else really. I felt so weak. My entire body was leaden and numb. I could barely see anything at all. All I could hear was Zeke's whining.

"It's okay..Just let me go."

I've heard a lot of people say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. That you see a tunnel filled with light and you feel at peace.

They were only right about two things.

I was at peace, but that tunnel of light was nowhere to be found. All I could see was Zeke's large muzzle leaning over me and then the back of my eyelids.

And the second thing?

 **-o0o-**

"Marie? Marie? Wake up! I have to get you to orientation sleepyhead!"

When I opened my eyes, my mom was smiling at me. Her perfect white teeth were gleaming, nearly blinding me. She pulled the covers off my legs.

"Get on up. Breakfast is on the table so hurry up before it gets cold. I don't need you complaining," she said.

I walked down the stares in confusion. I pinched myself at least ten times trying to wake myself up. It did nothing. Somehow, I had been transported back to my first day of college.

On the kitchen table sat a cup full of o negative, steaming hot. Exactly like the day I left home. I sat down and swallowed in one gulp before waiting for the next thing to happen. Three, two, one...

"Anna Marie! Get up here and make your bed. Just because you're eighteen doesn't mean you're a big girl now!"

I ran up the stairs to do as I was told, feeling an increasing amount of unease. When it was almost time for us to leave the house, I didn't want to go. I knew what was waiting for me if I went to this college. I knew who was waiting for me. Maybe if I decided not to go, I could change my entire future.

Even if that meant never meeting my mate.

"Mom...I, uh. What if I said that I don't want to do this again," I said quietly. My mother looked at me in confusion. No doubt noticing my sudden change of heart.

"But you always wanted to go to this college. You used to talk about it all the time," she said. "Your _mate_ goes to this college."

A chill ran up my spine.

"Mom, I thought she was my mate but..s-she isn't the one," my voice trembled with emotion, thinking about everything that happened.

Saying it aloud made me come to the realization that I was completely wrong about Ivy. This..crush that I had on her polluted my mind and made me think she was the one when really...it was just her powerful aura calling to my beast.

"Oh sweety, I'm so sorry," my mom said, hugging me tightly. "You don't have to go. I understand how embarrassing that has to be. Before I met Jacques, I was desperate to find anyone to keep me company. This life can get lonely."

I hugged her tighter, remembering how I had to put them back together piece by piece. I held her close and she responded in kind. I forgot how little affection I gave my parents. Now I see that they're the only people I have in this world.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"I'm okay now," I whispered, pulling away to look at her. I sniffed away my tears. "I love you, mom."

She frowned and cradled my face in her cold hands. "If it was a vision you can tell me what happened, Marie. I know you can't control them sometimes. I know they haunt you."

I closed my eyes and tried to erase the images of her head lying on the ground. Of my father's mouth hanging opened in a scream. _It didn't happen. It wasn't real. It felt so real..._

"Just know that it's not going to happen now."

My mom seemed to notice the haunted look in my eyes and nodded in understanding. She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed in a comforting manner.

"Do I need to know," she asked quietly.

Images of Ivy's lips stained with my blood came to mind. The feeling of my spine snapping under her strength sent chill through my body. It was so real that I could still feel it. The visions were always so real when it came to Ivy.

"You don't wanna know."

 _Fin_


End file.
